Thankful Time!

November 25th, 2015

8724370ca882690ab5a13ff52cbdca462015. I’m not where to categorize you in the 30 years God’s carried me through. It’s been a prayer journey in which I’ve just been filled with such feeling of guidance, been thrown insane curve balls and been whirled around to find myself in the same place. As we’re at Thanksgiving and siblings are coming into town to be together over this blustery autumn holiday my minds brought back in a flash to a conversation my twin and I had in the kitchen about our 19th birthday. She asked me where I thought we’d be 5 years from now. I peered into the fridge looking for the last ingredients to a fairly epic sandwich I was making and replied with, “probably eating out of the same fridge that we are now. How wrong I was. We were at a pretty pivotal point, whether we realized it in that second or not. Graduation from community college was right around the corner for both of us, my twin coming out before me as she’d started classes through the summer and hung back until fall. The guess about where we’d be eating, it’s answer in short would be that soon my sister would be be leaving for New York with little more than pocket change and a suitcase of favorite outfits; she would find herself in precarious living circumstances there, then move to Colorado also with a pretty bare checking account. Day to day life was a victory and struggle and a testament of God’s provision. I’d stay home, and work at the local YMCA and marry a man that I met online directly after graduation then embark in a cross country drive leaving my family for 3 years. She came home to stay that year when I left and married someone local, living across the county (not the country) from where we grew up. She now has full enrollment at a self made in home daycare. I’ve come back from Vermont and live 3 miles from that fridge that we talked about our futures. Nearly 31 we still talk about that conversation and giggle a bit about how we can plan but it’s God who knows that full picture.



Thankful time. What would you write down on a slip of paper if you had family tradition to reveal gratitude in that way? We don’t here as everyone has taken on their own path and have become caged and private in their own ways as the months and years have stacked up.

As for me. I’m thankful for life. I’m thankful that someone knows the path, and hope that I’ll keep praying and faithing until my heart stops beating. When I think about thankfulness I think about death. I want to be the first to die, selfishly. Some people plan who they want to be around them when they die, my thankfulness says that I just want God there–I’m all in on Him being in control. Is it weird to think about death on thanksgiving? Life and death are in the hand of the Lord, that’s pretty good assuming that he designed this whole maze which I trust in. Where there is trust there’s gratitude.

Romans 8: Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

2015 has had pain, but it’s had discovery as well and growth in so many ways. Bring good things, 2016, please. Answers are a life long discovery, I get that. And yes, back to the fridge. The one I have now…I want to replace it, but as for the address I share with my husband and children…I fully plan to thankful for it for many many more thanksgivings to come. My sister too. I know she loves her address. We’re good, bumps and bruises along the way, we’re good.

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Breath, Speak, Love

November 20th, 2015

390572166d02379f0068722cd31abd76Morning’s do stress me out. There. I admit it.
If you live with me, most mornings you know this more certainly that others…be you one of the three or four that I’m getting ready to leave the door on time, or the one who needs to sleep through it in preparation for his day.

Yesterday Willie asked me why I always say, “I love you” to each of them before they get on the bus. I told him, nearly with humor, “Son, because Mommy doesn’t know if you’ll get hit by a truck and this may be the last time I get to speak to you. I’d want those last words to be you hearing that Mama loves you.”

I’d never say I love you without meaning it. Forever I want my dear family and friends to know it, because every moment could be the last. There’s frustration, exhaustion, distraction, sometimes life’s just moving at a rate where it’s hard to see or feel straight. Sometimes impatience can overwhelm positive sentiments.

Sometimes my need to not take a cutting remark personally can be muddy unconditional attachment. Forever, I desire for my children to know that moments of anxiety that they’ll experience should not loosen love or overwhelm any bond that makes a unit one.

Yesterday Willie asked me why I say, “I love you” to each after they have their backpacks sorted, their lunches organized and their jackets on.

This morning he said, “Mommy, I’d like you to not yell at me today.”

He said these words as I was just setting down next to him his clothes and shoes that he needed to wear for the day. To that request I said, “OK, buddy, but Mama needs you to get ready on time. Can you do that?”
He shrugged and rolled up in his blanket. I unwrapped him and held him to sitting and said, “Mommy means it. Get dressed.” with that I held the clothes up and said, “You’re wearing these. Go potty please.”
Too direct? Remember, I do have other kids to feed and supervise on getting dressed.

It’s tough to appreciate the moment when I have the timer set to get the moments filled as fast as possible against the clock. Doesn’t “savor the moment” mean taking the time when you’re settled into the couch, snuggled up in an afghan or working together on a puzzle or play dough activity…maybe engulfed in a good book? It’s not hurrying through a time limited morning routine.

Deeder and Willie, 2009

Deeder and Willie, 2009

The news is too full of children getting hit by cars and trucks who fail to stop for the red stop sign that buses extend when children board busses. Parents and the public are horrified…the guilt and shock are just overwhelming, they call that A Parent’s Worst Nightmare. If that were me, I’d relive forever the last moments that I had with my child.
That’s just one reason among a million why the hurried times are worth living with a heart of love and appreciation. Be confident, structured, but kind as well.

While looking for the verse that says that if a man hath all knowledge but not love is nothing, I came across 2nd Timothy 1:7 which isn’t what I was looking for, but fits terrifically with what I want to say in a way not quite expected…which is exactly how God works for me in all ways, more and more as I age. Here it is:

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

What it means in context is that we should stand up for our love of Jesus, son of God, equal is spirit and mission, against all overwhelming negativity. But how real as well in this context.

Here I want to say love in all moments, not just the easy ones but in the pressure of scheduling, because every moment could be the last; any moment could be the one that a child or adult holds up as the defining seconds spent with whoever you are.

I am mother, wife, friend, and above all, lover of Jesus Christ. I want that to offend and impassions, define and strengthen the life I live–the love I give and the flavor I leave behind for all those who come and go, for the last word and the first beginning.

Above I added a photo of my two sons napping together when Willie was a few days old. That’s a moment anyone would think worth treasuring. Easy to treasure, bond to pray lasts through and beyond life.

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More time?

November 18th, 2015

281930a898df662ce55ca85818f367ffWith 3 of my children in school full time I thought I’d have more of a space in my life for writing, but the truth is I haven’t become more organized in a way that I launch out from Save Draft to Publish as much writing as I’d like. Truth: I’d rather keep to myself than inaccurately represent what’s going on for me as over the years I’ve discovered that my thoughts can matter and work against me. I thought I’d have more time, and will once I get myself more sorted out. I have come to clear out my house, get to keeping my body in better physical shape…those are pieces of my personal puzzle that matter in the short and long term. It’s a blessing to be here, to whatever level I am.

In the past I’ve left my blog untouched for months at a time and come back to say that it’s been on my thoughts daily, and that’s truth. I’ve gone whole pregnancies before without getting a moment to log in. Chief importance: Living life for God’s glory and being there for family, really and wholely.

Today is early out from school, which is in one hour, and later, speech therapy for AJ. I have been getting a lot of blog hits from California. I hope you’re my sister…I’m so excited to see you, and hope we’ll spend time together this year on your upcoming visit…I miss you and felt sorry last year that we didn’t seize that chance. Thanks, to anyone, who is here, I appreciate everyone, whoever you are out there. I would love suggestions on writing.

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Rut and Routine

November 13th, 2015

I’ve been brought to Luke 19:17 by my mother in earlier days when I felt that I was going through times where my efforts were unseen. She’d say that God saw what I was doing, and although we don’t believe that salvation is gained by good works, God would see me and smile on my “faithfulness in little” That brought me through engorged breasts, comforting colic consumed infants and the emotions of inadequacy for lacking the energy to put dinner on the table for being up all night with a young one who would not settle.

2e4a11fcbd0ec5677ebbab5051fa4cf5Times are easier now. All I do is set out clothing and pack lunches the night before, get children fed and to bed on time. I make sure their homework gets done, and send them off with the best I can get on the high side of the good attitude odometer. Each child is their own character–sometimes I fail to be sensitive to that. I also struggle to get them involved with a chore list, it just isn’t part of who I am, at least at this point. My husband is fantastic with getting the children out for wonderful adventures on his days off which hopefully are filling their memories of magical times together, the good outweighing the bad.

Our life together is precious. I appreciate it so much and enjoy the comfort of what has become quite a nice flow. Every morning I put on the coffee, shower, wake everyone, and have them dress from jammies to the clothes I’ve set out. After they’re dressed they get to look over last night’s homework and eat breakfast, brush teeth and hair–if all goes well we get out without argument and five minutes before the bus comes by. If they miss it, the school is less than a mile walk and we make it before the first bell sounds. After they’re off, I do a sweep through of morning clean up including starting a load of laundry and unloading last night’s dishwasher load. In our house the bedrooms upstairs are all clumped together at one end (one converted into an office for me), the others are the master and girls rooms.

12208446_10153475452676704_4911893999897947839_nI clean those then get to the bathroom and on down the hall to the stairs, living room and into the basement where the boys sleep…out the back to feed the rabbits and I’m done. It’s a routine, easy and always taking the same amount of time.

My youngest begins her week with speech therapy, and also gets out for preschool twice a week. The rest of her time is spent with me around the house. She even helps me with mowing the lawn and pulling weeds on sunny days.

If anyone in the house is getting chores it’s her, if not actively involved around the house she’ll stray to get ahold of markers and put herself to the job of decorating our walls. Sundays we get out for church.

Aside from Sundays, I leave the house for volunteering at my children’s school. It’s a terrific time to see how they are doing interacting with others and absorbing the curriculum in class. It helps me sympathize to their exhaustion…what a long and involved day they have!!

The sunset comes earlier now. I love getting to see the changing colors and take pictures almost every evening as if I were to be showing them to show them to someone who’d never experienced viewing a sunset over a field.

My routine is terrific. It’s simple enough that if one of the children is sick there’s enough time to take a break to snuggle, which is actually what I’m doing right now…typing while holding my youngest close. She’s had a fever which has now smoldered down to a sniffly nose and sweaty bed head. She missed a day of preschool, but I don’t doubt that soon she’ll be back to her usual bouncy self.

sets baby down

There’s a flip side to this Rut or Routine perspective which over the years I’ve decided is quite hormone based. Instead of appreciating stability and provision the desire for adventure and what comes down to covetousness can take over to a level of sin. Having been everywhere from deep sorrow to high elation I come to the conclusion that honesty is not over rated. There is a place for therapy, no shame in asking for help and allowing others loving people into your life. God provides in all sorts of ways. Count on Him. Find time to spend time reading the Bible and praying. If you profess Christianity, make use of God.

At the end of the day, you’re who you are. Others can tell you how to act, how to dress and what to say, but when you wake and when you sleep it’s just you and God…rut or routine.
You can’t care for others if you don’t care for yourself–I know I sure can’t. It’s fantastic having music going all day as I go about my day…getting outside time spacing up my indoor work. It’s been good as well to try to get in a bit of an exercise regimen as walking season comes to a close.

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Focus Factor

November 11th, 2015

focus factor

This is AJ. She’ll be 4 in February.

She’s such a smartie, but doesn’t talk. AJ has just had her sixth speech therapy session and already is gaining the ability to make some consonant and vowel connections, that actually come out with incredible clarity to the point that she’s been taught thus far. It’s more than looking right at her when we talk and signing along with speech, AJ is also learning exercises to help her become more aware of her mouth. One over this week has been to line up cereal and pick up them (which she’s laid out by hand) up with her tongue. The pictures above are of her sitting down to show me this.
Precious child! We’re thankful to finally getting her the boost she needs, and look forward to hearing from her hopefully soon.

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Willie’s 6!

November 10th, 2015


Words to be added…

…doesn’t this kid have a beautiful smile? He knows it too. :)

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Mirror, Mirror

November 10th, 2015

2015-11-10 15.24.47We never see ourselves the way others do, it’s the flop of what the public and friends see–as the reflection in the mirror is an exact reversal. That’s something that our minds are naturally adapted to, in fact it’s only obvious when an effort is made to read something through the mirror and the text is entirely backwards. What a fun brain twister that is for a child, maybe the phenomenon even brings a smile to an adults face as well.

Anyway! I was just thinking it’d be fun to challenge myself to put a few vlogs up once in a while again. The last time I tried, part of what I talked about in one entry was the challenges of potty training my little girl…who is now a second grader! Needless to say, it’s been a while. My video clips are usually a capture of the children’s activities, with my voice caught behind the in camera microphone. When I’m in front, I get so shy that I lose what I wanted to say and just grin and perhaps say something totally off where I meant to be. Sort of being stranger in a place familiar. Vlogging is video blogging. When I write I’m silent behind the keyboard. Sometimes my lips move without words coming out; I smile, sometimes I cry, and others I really just look up and try to bring back to mind what I had decided would be an amazing piece 7 hours ago when I was in the middle of a project I just couldn’t put down. The first time I had vlogging on the To Try list I had three little kids crawling all over me, the oldest being the same age as my current youngest. I’m in the same house, just older with older kids.

To avoid bashfulness I’ll hold notes? What’d be an easy subject to start with…?
Oh the days when I had readers. Readers that would comment in the comment line! If they were still here, what would they say…It’s probably better to be without, maybe that absence will cut down on my personal uncertainty.

Pictured! Me. 3 months away from turning 31. No makeup, no hair straightener efforts. Just a comfy sweater and my jeans that get better with age, both that I’ve had for years, especially the sweater which I bought fall of 2004, that’s while ago now! It’s followed me through a lot of moves and stages.

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Self Talk

November 8th, 2015

Today I thought about internal voices. Does that inside voice echo the disapproval or applause of others, accumulated over time? Life’s certainly easiest when everyone lives at bay of contentment–when conversation comes easily, when smiles are natural and hurt is not present. When your ebb is my flow, when two is a tango. Laughs that are genuine when hearts are full and goals are strong and simple. Balance is beautiful.

Research shows that people who have strong beliefs of an afterlife and hold to moral guidelines that they believe written by a higher power are more likely to survive cancer in perspective against those who believe they are free agents in a world where everything is just a collection of unrelated mortal circumstance.

f41b4a292d2d11a2c82ccf3cde07c69cMy children squabble and argue just like anyone else’s. Each wants their story to be the one that Mom lends most credibility to, and at the end of it, there is no consistency other than where everyone was.

They operate at the level of emotions and perception that humanity handed them at birth; each essentially living their own reality–my job is to link them up with the idea that God sees everything and that no matter what the stories that they tell Mom, He sees everything. They’ll either accept or reject those ideas. When we talk about Heaven they all know that they want a world without pain and hate, a world without hunger and sadness. Who wouldn’t? There grows their inner voice. I teach them that heaven is about loving the Lord–that our chief joy will be to be in his presence and to praise Him. That’s my belief–it’s my hope, the promise I cling to, my dream and, well…the reward of my undeserved salvation. I can get lost in stories of how I’ll meet the baby who died in my womb. My job is to center myself in today, taking the time to speak the words that will help build my kids to be better tomorrow through kindness, through calmness and with love. I want to voice appreciation for them, daily.

Those thoughts can carry me higher than anyone’s disappointments in me here. When my days become still and my heart lonesome in quiet times, my joy is in the Lord. Loving the Lord, seeking to follow his commands and forgiving myself when I fail is all my self talk because I cling to God’s promises in the Bible. My biggest goal as a parent is to create a pleasant voice for my children.
I want them to find promises of peace as I have chosen to follow and fill their heads with those. I want them to shun doubt and take on a spirit of willingness to accept challenges.

I want them to take courage to be great through Christ. Self talk? Hell yes.

It’s time to get to passion of appreciation. Time to pump up the voices of encouragement, breath deep, get healthier, and stronger not through stress for survival but strong built on realization of acceptance and forgiveness through Christ. It’s time for smiles and for moving forward for all life is worth. Lets build some beautiful minds. Lets encourage everyone and anyone to smile and take hold on ever lasting happiness. Time to celebrate.

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National month for a lot

November 7th, 2015

Today I posted an epilepsy awareness graphic on my personal Facebook page. Someone commented that November sure is “National Month” for a lot of things. And so it is, as if a lot of causes saw the end of the year was coming and hadn’t gotten their space in on the calendar!

For me, it’s the month that marks the scar on my hands and feet, still mostly visible on my right hand. The moments seem so long ago, yesterday at the same time. The fire was my accident, my fault and overwhelmed a peaceful evening. It was a mistake that I couldn’t cover up. As time wore on, the pain was deeper, pressing into my hands and feet, burning beneath the skin after I’d been given the all clear by the fire paramedics that came to my house. My face stung when hair burned, I was sure that there must be some singed skin, but there wasn’t on my face, just my hands and feet which made what I’d done obvious. My kitchen was blackened beyond what I could explain. There was no way I could paint over the damage. The icepacks ran out, the pain meds from the paramedics was soon gone and I had no choice left but to call my mom who in tern called my husband home to help me get to the hospital for proper burn care. It was a crazy experience that I just wished I could take away and wondered what the purpose was. Someone commented that this would just be a hard year. And it’s been a year. A year of twists, learning and growing. November is: National adoption month, national Alzheimer’s month, and Lung Cancer and Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month, that’s a lot of awareness! My favorite way of marking November is to call it No Shave November, a movement that a lot of people seem to be following. Second year of trying to persuade my husband to participate, but no luck so far! The idea is to hold off shaving for a whole month and to donate the money that would be spent grooming in normal routine to a cause.

I remember the shrug of a comment last November that my burns might be a sign that I’d have a hard year and hope that another November coming around is the folding up of the wrinkles of the past months.

Epilepsy awareness also has a National Day, which is in March. In an effort to close up the past year I’ve set up some goals for myself, I guess sort of like what people traditionally do for January 1. My neurologist wrote in my file on Thursday, “Wishes to lose 20lbs.” Goal! I want to keep up with my kids and husband as they grow, get organized and that feel healthier about myself. Come on, November!

Oh, also Angel Tree with Reece’s Rainbow. There’s that whole goal to raise $1,000 for children waiting for adoptive families. It’s wonderful to participate in that. This year I’ve signed up to sponsor a 14 year old with Down Syndrome waiting for a family; she lives in an orphanage in Eastern Europe, bringing her hope will take a pretty special family, but every child sure deserves a loving home. Her name is Paige. The guy from last year who we managed to raise over $1,000 for didn’t get a donation the whole year between and is on Angel Tree again, his name is Kolya and he’s also waiting in an Eastern European orphanage (different country though) where no one visits. He’s 11 now and really deserves a chance.

November. It’s grey and begins the shorter darker days, but every day is a new day and that’s just that much more of a chance to change someone’s life for the better, or to cut them down. I guess when I go to bed, I try to seek God and find peace to have peace.

As November is national month for a lot, so every life has a purpose and is worth lifting up and honoring.

November 2005 I announced that I was pregnant at a Thanksgiving table in New England to a family who I haven’t seen in 7 years. It’s OK, because there’s no saying good bye to awesome people, just pretty much saying thank you. I hope that anyone who is reading this marks events and holds appreciation even for things that might feel really dark and embarrassing, like my burns. I want to begin and end with thankfulness.

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Mama Moose

November 7th, 2015

That day has come. My kids are growing up. I know I’ve been saying that since the moment they were born. But it’s true, their tall wobbly legs are getting stronger, their adventurous spirits a little more self guided, their times away from me come in larger spans. My den is less full of their scent and more organized than it’s been in days come before. My head and heart have so much to say, so many plans for the future and visions of the past…not that I could take back, but that I wish up again in my memory.

When they come home from their busy days at school they have papers and projects to show off and ask me to hang up and catalog away. It’s terrific that they like having me come to see where they learn and participate in their time at school once a week to see what they do all day, a piece out of their five days a week.
Tomorrow basketball starts for my youngest boy. His daddy’ll take him bright and early for that. I’ll hope for pictures that I can post on Facebook to share the pride in this new chapter of sweet Willie’s life!

2015-11-06 16.36.00Here he is smiling big with a new set of plastic animal figures gifted by my mom for birthday #6 last week. My precious son is growing up so fast, and this mama moose feels like she’s missing out…despite being right here.
Blog posts will start happening daily again. I’m going to live each day as a day that I’d be OK with being my last. Today I appreciate each person who smiled their way into this home. From my husband bringing AJ to speech therapy at 9am to my dad and sister bringing belated birthday gifts over for Willie. The big kids all came home with stories on a good busy week, and I just thank God for the chance I have to be here, to be happy and to make home a passionate place, not perfect, but maybe something worth rejoicing over and remembering.

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Alone Time

October 30th, 2015


There may be all sorts of plans for when the world stops spinning with schedules. But when that calm finally hits the drive to get those tasks that have been waiting to be taken up during the calm sometimes sit untended. Can I just stay in my slippers and cuddle with my baby a bit longer? Solace is jewel, pausing peace is priceless. I’ll take it, just for another moment.

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Food for the Soul

October 26th, 2015

2015-10-24 16.42.24

There’s nothing better than holding a baby to bring a smile to my heart. Saturday I got to hold the little boy who celebrated his first birthday in August, what a special day that was. Little Richard Alan reminds me so much of my oldest son years back.

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Becoming Simple.

October 18th, 2015


Slowly I’m gaining my old composure. I crave basic, to remember what I can keep close and love lastlingly. It’s wonderful.

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Farm Time

October 7th, 2015

We visited a family farm this past week to pick out a pumpkin, and ended up with a bag of potatoes and a squash as well. There were organized games, none of which my children ended up staying with as they’d just lived through a whole Thursday of school and were pretty spent up on social compliance. It was an awesome little outing, in which I wanted to express both thanks for hospitality and vast apology for being who we are: the ruckus crew that I really do not hold 100% control over!
As imperfect as this crew is, they did manage to pick up a good arm load of happy memories and are chattering on yet about the excitement they had. I got a picture of them meeting Cookie the goat, and obviously showing off the coloring they did on the pumpkin and squash once home.


This Wednesday after school venture was a drive out to another fam, this one a home to over 100 rabbits living “colony style” meaning running around under the shade of a tremendous evergreen tree, hopping in the mud, with hacked open squash to eat, corn husks and a few tall piles of lettuce. The fencing wasn’t high, the rabbits didn’t have names and they looked as happy as could be just living quite care free. We were there looking for a housing companion to take the physical space of our darling rabbit Billy Jo who just passed away. We chose a faw colored doe who the lady estimates to be under one year old. This rabbit is a cross between New Zealand and Flemish Giant. She’s a pretty girl, and will now be known as Sugar Buns. Currently Sugar Buns is living in my office in a dog kennel which we’ve filled with Timothy hay, some feed and veggies and a fresh bowl of water. She’s named for my first rabbit, Sug Sug, who was a Holland lop and just an absolute dear friend in early childhood.

Anyway. Farm Time. In an alter ego, I could so be that farmer lady walking around in a big yellow rain coat with a tremendous herd of rabbits, goats, chickens and whatever else was out there.

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Bye, Bunny

October 5th, 2015

billy-the-bunny-019-448x336The first pet that I brought home to this address died today, seven years after we brought her home. While I didn’t spend hours in the rabbit pen stroking her fur and talking to her daily over the years, I did feed her and our other rabbit, make sure they got plenty of exercise and kept them living in a comfortable temperature during the hot and cold seasons. Billy Jo lived a comfortable seven years with us, totaling 9 to 10 years of age. She was the good bunny between the two rabbits: the one who would stay near the cage when the door between their run and the rest of the yard was left open instead of going to the other neighbors yard and risking losing her life to a dog or some other unknown danger.

190d7d5fff73cc5fc2c001579c0b7a0bHow interesting that the rabbit that lived carefully, ever a silky coat and a healthy appetite, ever ready to be held when given the opportunity would be the first to die. When she was a house bunny she didn’t get in trouble. She knew who her people were and just enjoying being who she was. I’ll miss my sweet Billy Jo, and hope to find another sweet bunny to fill that place in our family.

This neat graphic found on pinterest comes with the caption:

Hare is a lunar animal, attribute of all moon deities; as closely connected with the moon, it represents rebirth, rejuvenation, resurrection, intuition, and ‘light in darkness’.

That’s dang awesome! She’s begun the tradition of having a Flemish giant here, and it’d be great if we could get another…perhaps in her honor. Billy Jo is gone, but not forgotten.

As I’m writing good things that I did to help the rabbits be comfortable, actually it’s half truths. My hubby reinforced the pen to make it more more escape proof with each time the bunnies would jump over or dig under the fencing. It was he that bought the feed, paid for the spaying a neutering and the vet bill too for when they got some sort of skin situation that they both lost fur in bald patches three or four years back. The bunnies are family pets, the first two living things that we cast our concern on when planning our family vacation. Who will watch the bunnies?! As time has gone by we’ve acquired more pets, and come to have a number of house plants as well…because a house isn’t a home until it has animal hair and plants in it, in addition to the human inhabitants, or that’s how I see it anyway.

Good bye, Billy Jo. We’ll miss you so much.

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Looking to the Skies: Lunar

September 27th, 2015

Gen 1:14

And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years: And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.

2015-09-27 19.58.12How fun to see the beautiful eclipse tonight! The next time the moon looks like this will be 2033. What will we be doing then? I imagine what the kids will be up to those years from now, how their dynamics will strengthen as their interests develop…well, I hope that’s how it goes: that they grow closer, not further apart.

The truth here really, is that we’re not just looking up to see the really awesome lunar eclipse tonight; we’re recognizing God’s beautiful creation. At the moment I wasn’t thinking about that, but as I turned back to my clean up that remained from a hasty morning I reflected on the maker of all of this. He ordains the times and the seasons, knowing before we even see for ourselves the magnitude of what he has in store. Even when situations feel heavy, how wonderful it is to know that this Creator sees the beginning, middle and end all at once and with that knows how everything will come even.

Tonight’s been a blessing. Fellowship with family this afternoon was a much needed uplifting experience, and as I close off with praise in my heart, I have a big hefty, “God’s got this” that’ll ride me through into Monday, and far beyond because he knows that journey towards 2033 is, I’m just to follow his guiding loving will day by day trusting and living in His peace that surpasses all understanding (Phil 4:7).

Oh! Three more amazing sky scenes to mark down for 2015:


Our God is an awesome God!

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patchwork storms

September 26th, 2015

fe3a0b56e2705513ff11e7db9e985807I took the day off. Yes. Of course I saw my housework mounting around me, and knew I’d have to come to it. I couldn’t come write about treasuring babyhood moments, since those are passed by.

There’s sadness and moving forward happening in my heart that was an uninvited whirlwind. Right now I’m soaking up the fact that it’s arrival and passing may take me a little bit to gather, and tuck away of course.

Today I took the day off to reflect, grieve just a tad, and watch the rain outside my window. I took a picture of the moon rising, following the gorgeous late September sunset, while I sat and felt like a patchwork goose who had been taken into the game that she didn’t ask for. The grand scheme: the be a better stronger person, or that’s how I see it. A leader and a follower, perhaps a vigilant participant. Much like the game of Duck Duck Goose.

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National Daughters Day

September 25th, 2015

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURESToday is official National Daughter’s day, so I just want to celebrate by putting in a picture of my two girls who I get to be with every day, AJ and Cath, of course starting with a picture of me and my man without whom I wouldn’t have these gorgeous dolls.


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Love Yourself

September 22nd, 2015

1aec2dadfb83bd12a1eed74f2223f511There are so many ways I worry about messing up my kids. One of them that I need to keep as an active project is giving them a positive inner voice. How’s that my job and how is it done? By loving myself. When I am at peace in my own spirit, I can act with greater ease with a calm correction and admonition in my time with the kids.

Can you go a couple days without saying negative things about yourself? I’m going to give it a go. The more pleasant and comfortable I am with myself, the more so they will speak in a worthwhile way to themselves and (hopefully) their siblings and classmates.

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The girl who spoke

September 21st, 2015
AJ and I, 2014

AJ and I, 2014

AJ’s language transcends all. She’s love, she’s passion, she’s good day, she’s bad day, she’s smiles, she’s frowns, she’s her own person complete with a vocabulary that is her own.

She’s give enough English for those looking for it. If you’re searching for a Ukrainian language in her, I imagine that could be found as well. There are enough words spoken clearly that the listener assumes she can carry on a cohesive conversation, shortly realizing that her words become a repeated series of sounds or that blends together to just express emotion and follow the gist of where she was going. She ends by shrugging and saying, “See?”

Usually her attention isn’t lost. She continues to “talk” if she’s happy she’ll jump up and down, maintaining eye contact and shouting out sounds of jubilance. If she’s putting on a face of grumpiness she’ll put on a pout frown, hands on hips in a fist and huff through her nose, maybe even stomp her foot. The doctor recommended saying in response to either behavior, “I don’t understand. Use your words” She laughs, blows a raspberry and walks off with a smile on her face. As if to say, well, whatever words you want to insert. She’s not a brat, not any negative word you might assign to a manipulative person, she’s just AJ. The doctor suggested that her siblings may be just talking for her, getting her what she wants, knowing her unspoken words and complying with requests unknown to adults. Not true.

AJ does everything for herself. Picking clothes, getting the milk out of the refrigerator for a drink or pushing a chair over to select a snack. She feeds the cats and rabbits, helps me weed the garden and can bring you anything, complete little chores and really participate in games age appropriate that have simple rules. There seems to be nothing wrong with her vision or hearing.

Click here for my post about Abegayle’s birth. At meetings to evaluate children’s development they always ask about the birth and pregnancy. The answer on this fourth child, fifth pregnancy is, Normal. It was great. Painful, awesome and not too long. I went in with a big crampy belly and came out with a little red faced squirmy bundle of joy…and a big tummy, but that’s OK. AJ is all joy, perfect middle name. We love her dearly, just how she is.

Of course, we wouldn’t mind if she’d talk, at least be able to say everyone’s names. The only one she can say clearly is mine, and tries for Deeder, calling him “D” she calls herself “Girl” and holds up two fingers when asked how old she is, saying “A” clear as day. Language development? Not quite there for 3 1/2.

What I said about her talk transcending all languages. She can run up to someone who has English As A Second Language, give them a big hug and kiss, followed by her gorgeous smile and that’s all it takes to be fast friends forever. There’s no way of topping that. She’s gorgeous, delightful and treasured.

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