Morning’s do stress me out. There. I admit it.
If you live with me, most mornings you know this more certainly that others…be you one of the three or four that I’m getting ready to leave the door on time, or the one who needs to sleep through it in preparation for his day.
Yesterday Willie asked me why I always say, “I love you” to each of them before they get on the bus. I told him, nearly with humor, “Son, because Mommy doesn’t know if you’ll get hit by a truck and this may be the last time I get to speak to you. I’d want those last words to be you hearing that Mama loves you.”
I’d never say I love you without meaning it. Forever I want my dear family and friends to know it, because every moment could be the last. There’s frustration, exhaustion, distraction, sometimes life’s just moving at a rate where it’s hard to see or feel straight. Sometimes impatience can overwhelm positive sentiments.
Sometimes my need to not take a cutting remark personally can be muddy unconditional attachment. Forever, I desire for my children to know that moments of anxiety that they’ll experience should not loosen love or overwhelm any bond that makes a unit one.
Yesterday Willie asked me why I say, “I love you” to each after they have their backpacks sorted, their lunches organized and their jackets on.
This morning he said, “Mommy, I’d like you to not yell at me today.”
He said these words as I was just setting down next to him his clothes and shoes that he needed to wear for the day. To that request I said, “OK, buddy, but Mama needs you to get ready on time. Can you do that?”
He shrugged and rolled up in his blanket. I unwrapped him and held him to sitting and said, “Mommy means it. Get dressed.” with that I held the clothes up and said, “You’re wearing these. Go potty please.”
Too direct? Remember, I do have other kids to feed and supervise on getting dressed.
It’s tough to appreciate the moment when I have the timer set to get the moments filled as fast as possible against the clock. Doesn’t “savor the moment” mean taking the time when you’re settled into the couch, snuggled up in an afghan or working together on a puzzle or play dough activity…maybe engulfed in a good book? It’s not hurrying through a time limited morning routine.
Deeder and Willie, 2009
The news is too full of children getting hit by cars and trucks who fail to stop for the red stop sign that buses extend when children board busses. Parents and the public are horrified…the guilt and shock are just overwhelming, they call that A Parent’s Worst Nightmare. If that were me, I’d relive forever the last moments that I had with my child.
That’s just one reason among a million why the hurried times are worth living with a heart of love and appreciation. Be confident, structured, but kind as well.
While looking for the verse that says that if a man hath all knowledge but not love is nothing, I came across 2nd Timothy 1:7 which isn’t what I was looking for, but fits terrifically with what I want to say in a way not quite expected…which is exactly how God works for me in all ways, more and more as I age. Here it is:
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
What it means in context is that we should stand up for our love of Jesus, son of God, equal is spirit and mission, against all overwhelming negativity. But how real as well in this context.
Here I want to say love in all moments, not just the easy ones but in the pressure of scheduling, because every moment could be the last; any moment could be the one that a child or adult holds up as the defining seconds spent with whoever you are.
I am mother, wife, friend, and above all, lover of Jesus Christ. I want that to offend and impassions, define and strengthen the life I live–the love I give and the flavor I leave behind for all those who come and go, for the last word and the first beginning.
Above I added a photo of my two sons napping together when Willie was a few days old. That’s a moment anyone would think worth treasuring. Easy to treasure, bond to pray lasts through and beyond life.