Archive for the ‘Faith and Hope’ Category

Now That It’s Here

Saturday, January 9th, 2016

264942_10150688542940425_5036507_nI’m absolutely trigger happy to always say the right things–always to write what is true and keep just the best things priority and care for everyone including myself for the short and long run. This morning I was woken by kids wanting to snuggle in bed with me and read books we’d just fetched from the library. The day before that was pretty flawless, or able to be remembered that way anyway. Life with my four loud, ambitious, rambunctious children is an ongoing adventure…that if you’re paying only partially attention can be just hard to listen to. They can get carried away and talk over each other–interestingly, however, by the end of the day when it’s officially lights out and closing time they’re at peace with each other and accept I love yous and hugs.
Our world goes around and around, and this year is a building piece off 2015. Hopefully better, hopefully happier and more focused on our goals, our passions properly placed and our learning curve in a beautiful swing. I am a believer in the idea that New Years resolutions should be realistic. I think it’s totally realistic to try to occupy minds in books and outdoor play as much as we do video games! Or strive to thrive at subjects that we’re not getting financial reward over.
Now that it’s here. I am going to keep doing what’s worked in days past: making use of my energy, working out to build more physical energy and keeping close to Christ spiritually to keep that hype up. I need it. Also. Now that it’s here. I want to write every day. That’s awesome and I know from experience that no matter the flavor of my day, writing about it is communion with myself over how ready I am for the next.


Thankful Time!

Wednesday, November 25th, 2015

8724370ca882690ab5a13ff52cbdca462015. I’m not where to categorize you in the 30 years God’s carried me through. It’s been a prayer journey in which I’ve just been filled with such feeling of guidance, been thrown insane curve balls and been whirled around to find myself in the same place. As we’re at Thanksgiving and siblings are coming into town to be together over this blustery autumn holiday my minds brought back in a flash to a conversation my twin and I had in the kitchen about our 19th birthday. She asked me where I thought we’d be 5 years from now. I peered into the fridge looking for the last ingredients to a fairly epic sandwich I was making and replied with, “probably eating out of the same fridge that we are now. How wrong I was. We were at a pretty pivotal point, whether we realized it in that second or not. Graduation from community college was right around the corner for both of us, my twin coming out before me as she’d started classes through the summer and hung back until fall. The guess about where we’d be eating, it’s answer in short would be that soon my sister would be be leaving for New York with little more than pocket change and a suitcase of favorite outfits; she would find herself in precarious living circumstances there, then move to Colorado also with a pretty bare checking account. Day to day life was a victory and struggle and a testament of God’s provision. I’d stay home, and work at the local YMCA and marry a man that I met online directly after graduation then embark in a cross country drive leaving my family for 3 years. She came home to stay that year when I left and married someone local, living across the county (not the country) from where we grew up. She now has full enrollment at a self made in home daycare. I’ve come back from Vermont and live 3 miles from that fridge that we talked about our futures. Nearly 31 we still talk about that conversation and giggle a bit about how we can plan but it’s God who knows that full picture.



Thankful time. What would you write down on a slip of paper if you had family tradition to reveal gratitude in that way? We don’t here as everyone has taken on their own path and have become caged and private in their own ways as the months and years have stacked up.

As for me. I’m thankful for life. I’m thankful that someone knows the path, and hope that I’ll keep praying and faithing until my heart stops beating. When I think about thankfulness I think about death. I want to be the first to die, selfishly. Some people plan who they want to be around them when they die, my thankfulness says that I just want God there–I’m all in on Him being in control. Is it weird to think about death on thanksgiving? Life and death are in the hand of the Lord, that’s pretty good assuming that he designed this whole maze which I trust in. Where there is trust there’s gratitude.

Romans 8: Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

2015 has had pain, but it’s had discovery as well and growth in so many ways. Bring good things, 2016, please. Answers are a life long discovery, I get that. And yes, back to the fridge. The one I have now…I want to replace it, but as for the address I share with my husband and children…I fully plan to thankful for it for many many more thanksgivings to come. My sister too. I know she loves her address. We’re good, bumps and bruises along the way, we’re good.

Breath, Speak, Love

Friday, November 20th, 2015

390572166d02379f0068722cd31abd76Morning’s do stress me out. There. I admit it.
If you live with me, most mornings you know this more certainly that others…be you one of the three or four that I’m getting ready to leave the door on time, or the one who needs to sleep through it in preparation for his day.

Yesterday Willie asked me why I always say, “I love you” to each of them before they get on the bus. I told him, nearly with humor, “Son, because Mommy doesn’t know if you’ll get hit by a truck and this may be the last time I get to speak to you. I’d want those last words to be you hearing that Mama loves you.”

I’d never say I love you without meaning it. Forever I want my dear family and friends to know it, because every moment could be the last. There’s frustration, exhaustion, distraction, sometimes life’s just moving at a rate where it’s hard to see or feel straight. Sometimes impatience can overwhelm positive sentiments.

Sometimes my need to not take a cutting remark personally can be muddy unconditional attachment. Forever, I desire for my children to know that moments of anxiety that they’ll experience should not loosen love or overwhelm any bond that makes a unit one.

Yesterday Willie asked me why I say, “I love you” to each after they have their backpacks sorted, their lunches organized and their jackets on.

This morning he said, “Mommy, I’d like you to not yell at me today.”

He said these words as I was just setting down next to him his clothes and shoes that he needed to wear for the day. To that request I said, “OK, buddy, but Mama needs you to get ready on time. Can you do that?”
He shrugged and rolled up in his blanket. I unwrapped him and held him to sitting and said, “Mommy means it. Get dressed.” with that I held the clothes up and said, “You’re wearing these. Go potty please.”
Too direct? Remember, I do have other kids to feed and supervise on getting dressed.

It’s tough to appreciate the moment when I have the timer set to get the moments filled as fast as possible against the clock. Doesn’t “savor the moment” mean taking the time when you’re settled into the couch, snuggled up in an afghan or working together on a puzzle or play dough activity…maybe engulfed in a good book? It’s not hurrying through a time limited morning routine.

Deeder and Willie, 2009

Deeder and Willie, 2009

The news is too full of children getting hit by cars and trucks who fail to stop for the red stop sign that buses extend when children board busses. Parents and the public are horrified…the guilt and shock are just overwhelming, they call that A Parent’s Worst Nightmare. If that were me, I’d relive forever the last moments that I had with my child.
That’s just one reason among a million why the hurried times are worth living with a heart of love and appreciation. Be confident, structured, but kind as well.

While looking for the verse that says that if a man hath all knowledge but not love is nothing, I came across 2nd Timothy 1:7 which isn’t what I was looking for, but fits terrifically with what I want to say in a way not quite expected…which is exactly how God works for me in all ways, more and more as I age. Here it is:

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

What it means in context is that we should stand up for our love of Jesus, son of God, equal is spirit and mission, against all overwhelming negativity. But how real as well in this context.

Here I want to say love in all moments, not just the easy ones but in the pressure of scheduling, because every moment could be the last; any moment could be the one that a child or adult holds up as the defining seconds spent with whoever you are.

I am mother, wife, friend, and above all, lover of Jesus Christ. I want that to offend and impassions, define and strengthen the life I live–the love I give and the flavor I leave behind for all those who come and go, for the last word and the first beginning.

Above I added a photo of my two sons napping together when Willie was a few days old. That’s a moment anyone would think worth treasuring. Easy to treasure, bond to pray lasts through and beyond life.

Self Talk

Sunday, November 8th, 2015

Today I thought about internal voices. Does that inside voice echo the disapproval or applause of others, accumulated over time? Life’s certainly easiest when everyone lives at bay of contentment–when conversation comes easily, when smiles are natural and hurt is not present. When your ebb is my flow, when two is a tango. Laughs that are genuine when hearts are full and goals are strong and simple. Balance is beautiful.

Research shows that people who have strong beliefs of an afterlife and hold to moral guidelines that they believe written by a higher power are more likely to survive cancer in perspective against those who believe they are free agents in a world where everything is just a collection of unrelated mortal circumstance.

f41b4a292d2d11a2c82ccf3cde07c69cMy children squabble and argue just like anyone else’s. Each wants their story to be the one that Mom lends most credibility to, and at the end of it, there is no consistency other than where everyone was.

They operate at the level of emotions and perception that humanity handed them at birth; each essentially living their own reality–my job is to link them up with the idea that God sees everything and that no matter what the stories that they tell Mom, He sees everything. They’ll either accept or reject those ideas. When we talk about Heaven they all know that they want a world without pain and hate, a world without hunger and sadness. Who wouldn’t? There grows their inner voice. I teach them that heaven is about loving the Lord–that our chief joy will be to be in his presence and to praise Him. That’s my belief–it’s my hope, the promise I cling to, my dream and, well…the reward of my undeserved salvation. I can get lost in stories of how I’ll meet the baby who died in my womb. My job is to center myself in today, taking the time to speak the words that will help build my kids to be better tomorrow through kindness, through calmness and with love. I want to voice appreciation for them, daily.

Those thoughts can carry me higher than anyone’s disappointments in me here. When my days become still and my heart lonesome in quiet times, my joy is in the Lord. Loving the Lord, seeking to follow his commands and forgiving myself when I fail is all my self talk because I cling to God’s promises in the Bible. My biggest goal as a parent is to create a pleasant voice for my children.
I want them to find promises of peace as I have chosen to follow and fill their heads with those. I want them to shun doubt and take on a spirit of willingness to accept challenges.

I want them to take courage to be great through Christ. Self talk? Hell yes.

It’s time to get to passion of appreciation. Time to pump up the voices of encouragement, breath deep, get healthier, and stronger not through stress for survival but strong built on realization of acceptance and forgiveness through Christ. It’s time for smiles and for moving forward for all life is worth. Lets build some beautiful minds. Lets encourage everyone and anyone to smile and take hold on ever lasting happiness. Time to celebrate.

patchwork storms

Saturday, September 26th, 2015

fe3a0b56e2705513ff11e7db9e985807I took the day off. Yes. Of course I saw my housework mounting around me, and knew I’d have to come to it. I couldn’t come write about treasuring babyhood moments, since those are passed by.

There’s sadness and moving forward happening in my heart that was an uninvited whirlwind. Right now I’m soaking up the fact that it’s arrival and passing may take me a little bit to gather, and tuck away of course.

Today I took the day off to reflect, grieve just a tad, and watch the rain outside my window. I took a picture of the moon rising, following the gorgeous late September sunset, while I sat and felt like a patchwork goose who had been taken into the game that she didn’t ask for. The grand scheme: the be a better stronger person, or that’s how I see it. A leader and a follower, perhaps a vigilant participant. Much like the game of Duck Duck Goose.