Archive for the ‘Hannah’ Category


Thursday, August 1st, 2013

For those who miss my posts about the simple things like how much the lily trees in my front yard have a fragrance that reminds me of my wedding bouquet: I miss them too, and wish them back with my whole heart.

39283_630106027008482_2015578825_nGod has a pattern with me. It’s called, “You want that? I have something better you. I’m 28 now and still have the same reaction that I did as a 4 year old. I sigh and think that if other people who want it get it, why don’t I? People who know way around this call it, “discontentment” the Lord gives me those people. The ones who quietly shame me, reminding of something. Oh if I sat down and counted the ways. Yet God says yes by keeping me alive, a roof over my head, and clothes on my back. Also, hands that can type and a blog to vent. This last week or so I’m especially full of what I call Anyone Up Their?? Syndrome. I want something GOOD but have no one to stand by me in that. Ecclesiastes 3 is dripping full of warning against the I need it now mentality.

To every [thing there is] a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up [that which is] planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth? I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it. He hath made every [thing] beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

This passage continues through 22 verses in chapter 3. If you want to read it, go to Ecclesiastes.

In short on a day where I feel consumed in self doubt, self pity and upset that I can’t be a hero. I feel like curling up and waiting for the seasons to pass by. Waiting to watch Gods awesome plan develop around me, since I seem to have little or no ability to control my part in what seems to be one chance to change things. Just one chance to save someone’s life. God works miracles through other people, not through me. Because I’d take glory in myself rather than giving credit to Him?
Right now I’m pained over adoption. Why has God taunted me with the faces of these malnourished ill treated children in what our country are known as 3rd world cultures? I’ve always had a heart for kids in need, no less kids with medical, physical or mental challenges. God’s given me faces through Reece’s Rainbow and with the life of a house wife I have plenty of time to research these children and learn of the families that are adopting them.
the child who is on my heart tonight, in addition to the kids that I’ve already written about is 18 month old Julius. Has God shown me this young man’s face to strengthen my face and make me more hard core and focused as a mother to the kids in my house. I know from experience over the last two years is that asking for additional information only makes the tears hotter and my heart harder against my husband’s heart not being for bringing a child home. He’s right of course; that it’s not just money, it’s also that our kids are young. Having medical needs in the home would take away from attention that they need from me. I know things would be different if money weren’t an object. Responsibly speaking, it is. Redirect? These families make it through holding up as their guide trust that God will provide. Just as he held the sea apart so that the Israelites could cross only to make the waters regress to their normal form in order that the Egyptians who meant to defy God by reclaiming their slaves, God’s chosen people. Funding an adoption is impossible for normal folk, yet they’re brought through, despite a myriad of obstacles. These incredible individuals go on under the premonition that these kids are theirs, as much as their biological children are. FOCUS ON THE CHILDREN YOU HAVE ALREADY RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU is the message God’s given my husband to tell me time and time.

God’s left me with a choke in my heart and an extra hug for my kids who I already love more than life itself.
This is Julius. Julius-245x300
Such a young guy in a part of the world that I know nothing about. Orphans in Eastern Europe have a point in which kids, “age out” putting them in adult mental institutions or leaving them without resources out of an environment that they’ve learned to live in for the purpose of making room for other unwanted young children. All I know is that this little guys conditions are easily treatable and controlled in our world. What I am armed with is a husband to keep me on track with where my focus should be, and a God who wants me to pray for something that will somehow make me stronger in something. Be faithful in little and something big. That’s in one of my most feared parables told by Jesus, I believe to the scribes and Pharisees. Recorded somewhere in Luke.

Luke 19:17, And he said unto him, Well, thou good servant: because thou hast been faithful in a very little, have thou authority over ten cities.

The man speaking is a wealthy land owner who left money with 3 servants, with no directions other than you damn well better not lose this! The man being praised at the end invested (quite successfully) one man buried his portion under a rock fearing formerly displayed harsh nature of his master. The scriptures don’t tell us what reasoning compelled the good and faithful servant to multiply the money he was given, other than personal foresight not to cope with the masters nature, rather to exceed expectations of a greedy land owner. I’ve always had pity for the man who is thrown into hell fire, but in the story he’s the fool.

The lesson here for me: The little that I’m faithful in is guiding the kids that came out of my own womb; the ones who are up late watching Word Girl. They’ll be tired tomorrow–every moment that I have with them, not determining my heat of hell fire, but as a testimony of my accepting God’s will to redirect my desires, curb my passions and focus me inward. How can I grow the portion that I’ve been given. It looks as if I’m to turn this around and teach them contentment, share with them a passion to pray for people who are in need, teach them not to take anything for granted. Teach them to believe that God provides and sees everyone’s needs.

I don’t know what God will give me next; if ever he’ll honor me with the awesome gift of a child from another world, a true blessing beyond measure. I go crazy imagining why others are gifted the gaining of one of these orphans while it is withheld from me. Have I been unfaithful, or unfocused in my world where they have not? I don’t deserve it?

Give me focus, God on where I’m to be.

Patience wait, opportunity to pray and the ability to help others financially while I hope and wish to have this passion realized in my own life.

This post is at least double the length that I like to give you. All the more fitting by how much time is taken up in crying at least internally for children like Hannah from yesterday. Aging out of her baby house next month. Hundreds of children have this as their situation.. Not a hair falls without God seeing. He watches over the orphans and fatherless which these kids. The only thing God cannot do is lie.

I hardly know my point in this, or if it’s for publishing. If you have $23,000 and the heart and ability to commit to a child in need consider doing so. I don’t so I can’t; someone can, I know it.

Another Darling

Monday, July 22nd, 2013

Meet Hannah, a little girl in Ukraine who desperately needs a family as she’s being transferred to a mental institution imminently now that she is five years old. She’s healthy, well liked and active, what a beautiful daughter she would be. Adoption in her country is reasonable and fast, the process beginning to end well under a year in duration.

Three adoptive families have met her and seen how appreciated and doted on she is by the baby house staff. I’m sitting here imagining how I could work the adoption process into the Harr family life. Three trips to her country are required, or one long stay. Could I live in a country that speaks a language foreign to me for 3 to 5 months? Who would watch my children? This little girl is so worth it!!