Archive for April, 2012

Back to Beautiful

Monday, April 30th, 2012

Oh come on. That just seemed like a fun title today. I recently wrote a post about falling back into a state of mind that welcomes in the old; you can take so many steps backward so as to forget to look again forward in clean orderly way.

I’m closer to thirty than I am to 20, certainly at least a few thousand paces past 16.

But I’m the same as ever I was. Stronger at times, weaker and more vulnerable at others to be sure. But I like to believe I’m the same. Liberating? Restricting?
Maybe a different answer on Monday than I would give on yet another dateless Friday. ;-)

Every blog reader here has changed. Where were you that Spring 2005? I was 20 and just engaged.

You’ve changed in ginormous ways–heart breaks never imagined. Is it you, or just the plot of land your standing on that shifted. It’s someone that changed, somewhere. Or maybe you’re taking hold stepping up to an intrusion in your life you never dared look straight on.

Each time I log in on, I feel like I’m dusting off an old favorite that’s been lodged deep into the bookshelf for fail of having too slight a binding.

What was that poem that I copied onto hereabout six years ago.

Remember me when I am gone away,

Gone far away into the silent land;

When you can no more hold me by the hand,

Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.

Remember me when no more day by day

You tell me of our future that you plann’d:

Only remember me; you understand

It will be late to counsel then or pray.

Yet if you should forget me for a while

And afterwards remember, do not grieve:

For if the darkness and corruption leave

A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,

Better by far you should forget and smile

Than that you should remember and be sad.

That last clause means more to me than ever I would have imagined.
It is not me who has left as the poem goes.
Rather my memories of youth being found half sighted.

Better by far that I should forget and smile.

Forget that I was wrong? If you have no idea what I’m talking about. Awesome!

The point is that despite hurt I want to reclaim Beautiful. I’ll hope to let my mind linger on things that will help me grow closer to Christ as ought my ambition ever to be until the end of time.

Closer to 30, than to 20. Babies to love, a husband to treasure. A family.

Egg Hunt 2012

Saturday, April 7th, 2012

Dear Diary

Thursday, April 5th, 2012

The forsythias are beginning to bloom. It takes me back to memories of Brattleboro when I see these come out each spring since we’ve been here, which is a bit over three years already. The air crisp, the robins settling in for the spring, the crocuses blooming and the landscape services beginning to make their rounds taming up all the gardens lining Western Ave. It’s so long ago, and I laugh to myself over how I can miss something that really is so similiar to what I saw anyway as a child growing up only two miles from where I live now. In Brattleboro did the forsythias remind me of NW Washington and that’s why I enjoyed them so much? I really don’t think so. It was just so great to see a splash of color after the bleak never ending pile up of snow that lasted for what seemed like forever. Those bright yellow blooms, just like the bold daffodils and determined crocus, promise warmer days and walking weather! Shortly to be followed with lazy days at the pool and out for icecream.

Whatever the case, isn’t it healthy to have something to miss? I think so. Fond memories are the best, as long as they make for a richer future.

So, Dear Diary, here’s to happiness, and sunshine. To thankfulness and love for everything ahead and behind. For memories to pass on and to treasure.