Archive for August, 2013

Start from the Beginning

Wednesday, August 28th, 2013

So you’re on a busy schedule, or really just something going on in your life that inhibits you from experiencing that cozy place that we should all have that sits untouched by the pressures of worldly expectations, a land of it’s own for where there is only room for one; one mind and a million imaginary worlds to enter only through the pages of a book. Entrance here in only granted with full attention to the text and either fresh crisp papers, or well worn pages of literature that just captivates. The noise of my life drums in so heavily that I can’t think more of then than not when silence falls, but I do remember it and what a happy place that was.

I still love to read and steal a moment here and there; there’s noise behind me now as I try to write it’s important to someone but for now, not me. I’m trying to explain, really just to myself because I don’t know if you’re here, why it is that I’ve been wanting to start from the beginning again.

Blog flip. If this were a book, I don’t think I’d pick it up to read it. But if it’d been sitting around on my in table for years as it has done across the nation wherever my home has been for over 7 years.

Loading up I’d like to see a most recently written post pinned to the top and under it the first post of the whole ramble of a journey that I (sometimes carelessly) trail behind myself. Each time I log on I intend a great work, usually coming too late with intentions full of forgotten words. Yeah, anyway…

The idea for a post is usually cool, connected with a cute moment, serious with neat catchphrases. Sadly here I am left clapping for myself or saying Oh dang! Missed that one! Only to hear that thought echoed back on this empty room which I’d like to think used to be full of readers. My name got lost maybe through the days that I forgot to even call in abasement of mind into that cozy reading corner. Too late to call out I’m still here? For that purpose I’d like to close the cover as it were, with a note on the inside front cover with a recent post if there be one.
It seems yesterday that I forgot to write FIRST DAY OF KINDERGARTEN!! on for Diederick. Today’s FIRST DAY OF FIRST GRADE and I don’t even have a picture for it. I’m taking one tomorrow because I was too buy this morning. Too busy? Kindergarten starts on Thursday for that little girl who was just born. Carly’s 5 somehow and being passed on into the world to be taught to read and become a better writer. Her penmanship is great already, she writes with such a confident hand, taking pride in each stroke. Preschool starts for Koen pretty soon too, Darren and I are just hoping he can harness his ambitious, OK, honestly he’s just headstrong…but of sweet spirit too. Good luck teachers, here come the Harrs.

Where’s my photo of the day? On a camera somewhere.

I’m Not Ready

Monday, August 26th, 2013

At times the waters are too still in my life, OK, that never happens; around here there’s always noise. What I fuss about is the grind of it then of course just need to rub my eyes, breathe, pull back and take purspecive. The perspective of course is that I wont get these moments back. I link in some scripture and start it all again.

However, God does throw in answers to prayer and hurtles of unexpected excitement every now and again. This past little while has been just of that sort: both answered thoughts, more than echoed back in my ear, and unexpected anticipation.

Not Enough Research Done

Sunday, August 18th, 2013

So there’s this medication that I’ve been wanting to go back on that I really liked from back like 2003 through 2005. I went off it two months before my wedding because there isn’t much research on how it effects the human fetus. What they do know is that it causes birth defects or pregnancy termination in mice. Yes.

Anyway, my baby is 18 months now, weaned and healthy. While she was in utero I was on Lamictal which was stellar. Her delivery certainly had stressful moments in labor, but at the end, I had a healthy breathing lively newborn in my arms. Abegayle Joy Harr, tipping the scale just between 7 and 8lbs, my biggest baby. The other three full term pregnancies were Lamictal Babies; born, free of birth abnormalities and an agreeable Apgar score. My blood pressure was of no concern with any of them, virtually identical in all four seasons in the span of 6 years.

Despite all of that I have still fondly recalled how comfortable I was with Zonegran in combination with my true and tried Lamictal. Nearly like the longing for the return of a Whitening Mouth wash after being put on a natural toothpaste regiment that you’ve been specifically put on to ebb a temporary tooth sensitivity problem. Your doctor has said that in six weeks everything should be fine (made up scenario); that time passes and your doctor says that he’d like you to try the peppermint flavored Toms. Because, he rationalizes, it will give you that same tingly feeling that the whitening treatment gave, except this is better because it’s all natural and organic (is it?) so you should give it a fair change. This dentist is an expert so you begrudgingly agree to try it. Before opening the new tube which your doctor has so kindly given you as a free sample you look up online effects that it can have on teeth. The best place to look for real life information is forums where real people discuss products.

When you first started to have tooth sensitivity your doctor put a protective coating on your extra sensitive spots that are effected by hot food and cold beverages. Insurance called this cosmetic and didn’t cover the cost. Knowing that your sanity depended on not experiencing unseemly pain you paid for the coating. Reading review you find that the organic tooth paste will clean your teeth to their very core, extracting anything artificial; including yes, that expensive and essential film that you’ve come to count on.

Isn’t anti consultant medication just like tooth whitening treatment? Toms keeps your teeth clean, which is of primary importance. But heck, you really want perfect pearly whites!! Go with the peppermint organic paste and just pay to reapply the protective coating routinely? Or do the treatment you want? The more you think about it, the more you read the more you forget and undervalue either the expert or yourself.

Back to my reality: OK. I have the tooth problem. My doctor gives me prescription tooth paste, the protective coating on my teeth and Sensodyne toothpaste. Good to go.

On the meds. He promised I could go back!!! My baby has been weaned for 6 months, I’ve held up my end of the deal and I just was so excited to finally have prescription in my hand, to run over to the pharmacy and fill it. I could all too vividly see waking up the next morning with Zonegran in my blood. I’d have balance, the clarity of short term memory that got me through college back. I smiled to think that my insomnia and weak joints would miraculously vanish.

God has a pattern with me. When I want something really badly, He says NO I HAVE ANOTHER WAY. Last Wednesday was no exception. My neurologist of 12 years smiled at my giddy school girl attitude and flipped back through my fat packet chart.

YES! That’s right. If you were reading this long blog post and remember the title. That my titles are usually quotes that show or punch line somewhere in my traditional run on comma splice long winded writings. And here it is.

“There’s not enough research to prove that those medications in combinations are the best option for your conditions.”

What the heck??? I’m the research. I’m the mouse in the lab that handles these medications well; the lab rat that says oh please let them experiment with that again.

Please oh please oh please.

What my doctor does hear from me is that I’m having a lot of, “morning flutters” and that I’d like to try a medication combination. He sees that I only gave Kepra a one month try, which he explains wasn’t long enough to see how my body would respond to it in a more long term situation. I was 17 and only just about two years into the search for the ultimate magic medicine. 11 years later, I know it’s not out there. It’s a game of benefit over risk. Half full over half empty. Made it this far and have no where else to go? Click here. It’s what you’d be facing if you were to pump yourself full of Kepra. Is your convulsion condition really worth risking those things?

Looks like there’s been plenty of data collected. That doesn’t mean I want it.

I came away from that visit with instruction to add half a tablet of my Lamictal each morning, then add enough half tablet in the evening dosage if I want then to call in a month.

The other medication that my doctor wants me to consider adding is the medication that I was originally put on fresh out of my fist EEG. Depakote Whoa! I think I would have to check off the “have suicidal thoughts” box on new patient forms if I went on that one.

Strong and steady wins the race? Yes. I think I’ll hang on to the Lamictal. I can tell you right now that I do have a measure of those effects. If you know me, you think of those as just a part of who I am. And after all these years, who needs white teeth anyway?

I’ve done my research.

Cult Continued

Friday, August 16th, 2013

Although my tracker does not tell me that I have had any viewers I want to start the day by making clear that I speak of imagining enjoyment in the micro-culture that comes with these religious sects.

This morning I have before me a portion of Matthew 24:

For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect.

The elect are of course people who believe full assurance of life with Christ beyond the grave is theirs as the Bible tells us will be granted to any man woman or child who calls on His name as Lord and only savior.

All of the sects commonly named as cults have a book of special revelation. This is entirely unbiblical and from which the statement, “No creed nor covenant, only Christ” stems.

Next to me I have a little leatherbound book, only an inch thick 6 inches in cover length. Embossed across the front this 136 page pamphlet are the words, “The Westminster Confession of Faith” If I were asked by someone who presumably cared about my answer I would quite readily confess that the words here approved the General assembly of Scotland, England and Ireland in 1647 are the doctrines that I stake my faith upon. No creed but Christ? This book is not new stuff, no, it’s summary of connection scripture against scripture to interpret what we are to believe concerning Christ and what duty is required of us as followers of Jesus. That’s where I am.

Sadly the battle I face in this modern world is holding up the second commandment, Make no images of me. How is it that Christiandom excludes this? It’s not extra knowledge, secret revolation, indeed it’s God’s command scissored out.

This post and subject has become far more serious than what I usually bring out here.

What I wonder over from time to time is why I smile to myself seeing ladies who give themselves up for 1Titus 2:9 and like verses. Doing this leads to looking different and that takes a lot to do. As for me I try to have modest clothing begin and end with my garmets not clinging too close to my body, not too tight not too short. I love Ephesians 5 for conduct behaving a Christian; that’s a work that directs attention and glory to our creator. Not in an erning of salvation, rather a fruit of a love for Him.

I guess that’s about the conclusion of what I have to say here.

Whatever it is that brings these cults door to door spreading what they believe, as wrong as their though, shame on modern day Christians for so commonly not stepping out in courage to tell of our eternal hope.

I Wanna Join a Cult

Friday, August 16th, 2013

This post should bring readers out of the framework, if there are any of you left. I haven’t had any comments come in the last several blog entries. GoogleReader closed down I believe; perhaps that was the only means you were following me through. It’s been cool having that tracker on my sidebar, giving me opportunity to imagine that you’re out there.

On with my provocative title here. This is a questionable topic, not questionable but more specifically one that I could get web-based sideways looks and a husband asking why I’d ever write on such a thing. As ever is the case, I write only on what I’m thinking about, and being who I am I have no chance of doing otherwise.

Are there Jehova Witnesses that knock on your door? Mormons that frequent your neighborhood? How to tell the difference: The J.Dubs come in pairs of long skirted women. The Mormons come in pairs of young men wearing white shirts and ties they are sent to communities they’re unfamiliar with, riding bikes or walking; they can be fairly agressive, cornering people at bus stops in order to witnes. The J.Dub ladies are called Sisters, the mormans or LDS as they prefer are Missionaries. There are all sorts of rules that outline what is required to fill these roles; terminology through the whole religion that is hard for the modern Christian to associate with, or understand. These are only two religious lifestyles that people subscribe to that can be found on any search engines “Modern Day Cult” results. In seconds shot me up with 12,200,000 results for those words.
In my broad stretch definition a cult is anything that professes a prophet in addition to those who are recorded in the cannons of Scripture.

The Bible tells us in the end of Revelations that he who adds or takes away from the words in this Book will face dire consequences. I really think that quite a few of these cults that claim part in the family umbrella of Christianity base and over extend their belief system over what they believe to be a missed and overlooked doctrine. They not only slide into perseverating on something culturally extrordinarily overlooked, but are following someone who claims higher power than the rest of us who live and suffer through the weaknesses of mortality. These profits stretch principles in the Bible, add on to them and even create their own writings, their followers learn even before birth into following generations to hold these words as equal or greater to the Word of God. Spot on Matthew, Mark, 2nd Peter, 1st John as well as portions of the Old Testiment minor prophets.

I’d like to quote there from Jeremiah

Then the LORD said unto me, The prophets prophesy lies in my name: I sent them not, neither have I commanded them, neither spake unto them: they prophesy unto you a false vision and divination, and a thing of nought, and the deceit of their heart.

It’s easy to make jest of these people, or more so the people who follow so ardently what from the outside appears to be cheap smoke and mirrors arranged by lame con-artists. Think of William Branum: chief cornerstone and CEO of the Canada based Branhamites. His fame came from supposedly raising a young boy from the dead after the little guy was hit by a moving vehicle, this incredible faith healer had a hallo over his head at every conference that he spoke at. Who knows where the hallo came from, but illusions of super natural draw people in and this was no exception. William Branum died in 1965, hit head on in the dark streets nearby where he grew up. Desipite the serious injeries that he incurrened in the high speed collsion, he did not die instantly. Six days in hospital he fought for his life before passing in the arms of his family and faithful followers. His movement did not die with his physical departure.
It’s been years since I have been in touch with Branhamite friends, but I can tell you how tied they are to their faith, as off as it is as much they stick out in appearance by order of Branhams teachings they’re there.

And that’s it, isn’t it. What it’s all said and done. The having a cause to live and die on. There’s attraction to being part of a micro culture even blended with the need to fit in the melting pot that makes up America.

You want close friends who have a mutual striving. Be that having membership in a shared fitness regiment thinking of CrossFit, knitting group, Kiwanis, Lions club, or just sharing a favorite morning breakfast place with your roommates part of humanity is needing mutual love and close understanding.
Some define a cult as simply being something that you cannot leave. If you do it’ll still be with you forever. A cult takes your soul. That goes beyond religion, yes? They say once you can ride a bike, it stays in the muscles, bones and ligements required to engage in that activity even when you are too aged to properly distribute the needed range of motion.

I’ve been interested and drifted out of hobbies and the beginnings of athletic ability. I’d like to think that as someone who loves God my being is totally dependant on His being eternal God and Father who has redeemed me and set me free from the bondange of sin, etc. If that be what is most important, that is why sometimes I think that people who accept such a strict order of living such as the Branhamites or Truth Tabernacle folks have it good. They’re basing their rules for physical appearance on a much overlooked piece of Scripture. Dresses only with exception only for culottes which are long wide shorts made to look like skirts. It’s against their faith to have girls ever get a hair cut.

I could keep this post going, but it is late!