Archive for November, 2015

Thankful Time!

Wednesday, November 25th, 2015

8724370ca882690ab5a13ff52cbdca462015. I’m not where to categorize you in the 30 years God’s carried me through. It’s been a prayer journey in which I’ve just been filled with such feeling of guidance, been thrown insane curve balls and been whirled around to find myself in the same place. As we’re at Thanksgiving and siblings are coming into town to be together over this blustery autumn holiday my minds brought back in a flash to a conversation my twin and I had in the kitchen about our 19th birthday. She asked me where I thought we’d be 5 years from now. I peered into the fridge looking for the last ingredients to a fairly epic sandwich I was making and replied with, “probably eating out of the same fridge that we are now. How wrong I was. We were at a pretty pivotal point, whether we realized it in that second or not. Graduation from community college was right around the corner for both of us, my twin coming out before me as she’d started classes through the summer and hung back until fall. The guess about where we’d be eating, it’s answer in short would be that soon my sister would be be leaving for New York with little more than pocket change and a suitcase of favorite outfits; she would find herself in precarious living circumstances there, then move to Colorado also with a pretty bare checking account. Day to day life was a victory and struggle and a testament of God’s provision. I’d stay home, and work at the local YMCA and marry a man that I met online directly after graduation then embark in a cross country drive leaving my family for 3 years. She came home to stay that year when I left and married someone local, living across the county (not the country) from where we grew up. She now has full enrollment at a self made in home daycare. I’ve come back from Vermont and live 3 miles from that fridge that we talked about our futures. Nearly 31 we still talk about that conversation and giggle a bit about how we can plan but it’s God who knows that full picture.



Thankful time. What would you write down on a slip of paper if you had family tradition to reveal gratitude in that way? We don’t here as everyone has taken on their own path and have become caged and private in their own ways as the months and years have stacked up.

As for me. I’m thankful for life. I’m thankful that someone knows the path, and hope that I’ll keep praying and faithing until my heart stops beating. When I think about thankfulness I think about death. I want to be the first to die, selfishly. Some people plan who they want to be around them when they die, my thankfulness says that I just want God there–I’m all in on Him being in control. Is it weird to think about death on thanksgiving? Life and death are in the hand of the Lord, that’s pretty good assuming that he designed this whole maze which I trust in. Where there is trust there’s gratitude.

Romans 8: Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

2015 has had pain, but it’s had discovery as well and growth in so many ways. Bring good things, 2016, please. Answers are a life long discovery, I get that. And yes, back to the fridge. The one I have now…I want to replace it, but as for the address I share with my husband and children…I fully plan to thankful for it for many many more thanksgivings to come. My sister too. I know she loves her address. We’re good, bumps and bruises along the way, we’re good.

Breath, Speak, Love

Friday, November 20th, 2015

390572166d02379f0068722cd31abd76Morning’s do stress me out. There. I admit it.
If you live with me, most mornings you know this more certainly that others…be you one of the three or four that I’m getting ready to leave the door on time, or the one who needs to sleep through it in preparation for his day.

Yesterday Willie asked me why I always say, “I love you” to each of them before they get on the bus. I told him, nearly with humor, “Son, because Mommy doesn’t know if you’ll get hit by a truck and this may be the last time I get to speak to you. I’d want those last words to be you hearing that Mama loves you.”

I’d never say I love you without meaning it. Forever I want my dear family and friends to know it, because every moment could be the last. There’s frustration, exhaustion, distraction, sometimes life’s just moving at a rate where it’s hard to see or feel straight. Sometimes impatience can overwhelm positive sentiments.

Sometimes my need to not take a cutting remark personally can be muddy unconditional attachment. Forever, I desire for my children to know that moments of anxiety that they’ll experience should not loosen love or overwhelm any bond that makes a unit one.

Yesterday Willie asked me why I say, “I love you” to each after they have their backpacks sorted, their lunches organized and their jackets on.

This morning he said, “Mommy, I’d like you to not yell at me today.”

He said these words as I was just setting down next to him his clothes and shoes that he needed to wear for the day. To that request I said, “OK, buddy, but Mama needs you to get ready on time. Can you do that?”
He shrugged and rolled up in his blanket. I unwrapped him and held him to sitting and said, “Mommy means it. Get dressed.” with that I held the clothes up and said, “You’re wearing these. Go potty please.”
Too direct? Remember, I do have other kids to feed and supervise on getting dressed.

It’s tough to appreciate the moment when I have the timer set to get the moments filled as fast as possible against the clock. Doesn’t “savor the moment” mean taking the time when you’re settled into the couch, snuggled up in an afghan or working together on a puzzle or play dough activity…maybe engulfed in a good book? It’s not hurrying through a time limited morning routine.

Deeder and Willie, 2009

Deeder and Willie, 2009

The news is too full of children getting hit by cars and trucks who fail to stop for the red stop sign that buses extend when children board busses. Parents and the public are horrified…the guilt and shock are just overwhelming, they call that A Parent’s Worst Nightmare. If that were me, I’d relive forever the last moments that I had with my child.
That’s just one reason among a million why the hurried times are worth living with a heart of love and appreciation. Be confident, structured, but kind as well.

While looking for the verse that says that if a man hath all knowledge but not love is nothing, I came across 2nd Timothy 1:7 which isn’t what I was looking for, but fits terrifically with what I want to say in a way not quite expected…which is exactly how God works for me in all ways, more and more as I age. Here it is:

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

What it means in context is that we should stand up for our love of Jesus, son of God, equal is spirit and mission, against all overwhelming negativity. But how real as well in this context.

Here I want to say love in all moments, not just the easy ones but in the pressure of scheduling, because every moment could be the last; any moment could be the one that a child or adult holds up as the defining seconds spent with whoever you are.

I am mother, wife, friend, and above all, lover of Jesus Christ. I want that to offend and impassions, define and strengthen the life I live–the love I give and the flavor I leave behind for all those who come and go, for the last word and the first beginning.

Above I added a photo of my two sons napping together when Willie was a few days old. That’s a moment anyone would think worth treasuring. Easy to treasure, bond to pray lasts through and beyond life.

More time?

Wednesday, November 18th, 2015

281930a898df662ce55ca85818f367ffWith 3 of my children in school full time I thought I’d have more of a space in my life for writing, but the truth is I haven’t become more organized in a way that I launch out from Save Draft to Publish as much writing as I’d like. Truth: I’d rather keep to myself than inaccurately represent what’s going on for me as over the years I’ve discovered that my thoughts can matter and work against me. I thought I’d have more time, and will once I get myself more sorted out. I have come to clear out my house, get to keeping my body in better physical shape…those are pieces of my personal puzzle that matter in the short and long term. It’s a blessing to be here, to whatever level I am.

In the past I’ve left my blog untouched for months at a time and come back to say that it’s been on my thoughts daily, and that’s truth. I’ve gone whole pregnancies before without getting a moment to log in. Chief importance: Living life for God’s glory and being there for family, really and wholely.

Today is early out from school, which is in one hour, and later, speech therapy for AJ. I have been getting a lot of blog hits from California. I hope you’re my sister…I’m so excited to see you, and hope we’ll spend time together this year on your upcoming visit…I miss you and felt sorry last year that we didn’t seize that chance. Thanks, to anyone, who is here, I appreciate everyone, whoever you are out there. I would love suggestions on writing.

Rut and Routine

Friday, November 13th, 2015

I’ve been brought to Luke 19:17 by my mother in earlier days when I felt that I was going through times where my efforts were unseen. She’d say that God saw what I was doing, and although we don’t believe that salvation is gained by good works, God would see me and smile on my “faithfulness in little” That brought me through engorged breasts, comforting colic consumed infants and the emotions of inadequacy for lacking the energy to put dinner on the table for being up all night with a young one who would not settle.

2e4a11fcbd0ec5677ebbab5051fa4cf5Times are easier now. All I do is set out clothing and pack lunches the night before, get children fed and to bed on time. I make sure their homework gets done, and send them off with the best I can get on the high side of the good attitude odometer. Each child is their own character–sometimes I fail to be sensitive to that. I also struggle to get them involved with a chore list, it just isn’t part of who I am, at least at this point. My husband is fantastic with getting the children out for wonderful adventures on his days off which hopefully are filling their memories of magical times together, the good outweighing the bad.

Our life together is precious. I appreciate it so much and enjoy the comfort of what has become quite a nice flow. Every morning I put on the coffee, shower, wake everyone, and have them dress from jammies to the clothes I’ve set out. After they’re dressed they get to look over last night’s homework and eat breakfast, brush teeth and hair–if all goes well we get out without argument and five minutes before the bus comes by. If they miss it, the school is less than a mile walk and we make it before the first bell sounds. After they’re off, I do a sweep through of morning clean up including starting a load of laundry and unloading last night’s dishwasher load. In our house the bedrooms upstairs are all clumped together at one end (one converted into an office for me), the others are the master and girls rooms.

12208446_10153475452676704_4911893999897947839_nI clean those then get to the bathroom and on down the hall to the stairs, living room and into the basement where the boys sleep…out the back to feed the rabbits and I’m done. It’s a routine, easy and always taking the same amount of time.

My youngest begins her week with speech therapy, and also gets out for preschool twice a week. The rest of her time is spent with me around the house. She even helps me with mowing the lawn and pulling weeds on sunny days.

If anyone in the house is getting chores it’s her, if not actively involved around the house she’ll stray to get ahold of markers and put herself to the job of decorating our walls. Sundays we get out for church.

Aside from Sundays, I leave the house for volunteering at my children’s school. It’s a terrific time to see how they are doing interacting with others and absorbing the curriculum in class. It helps me sympathize to their exhaustion…what a long and involved day they have!!

The sunset comes earlier now. I love getting to see the changing colors and take pictures almost every evening as if I were to be showing them to show them to someone who’d never experienced viewing a sunset over a field.

My routine is terrific. It’s simple enough that if one of the children is sick there’s enough time to take a break to snuggle, which is actually what I’m doing right now…typing while holding my youngest close. She’s had a fever which has now smoldered down to a sniffly nose and sweaty bed head. She missed a day of preschool, but I don’t doubt that soon she’ll be back to her usual bouncy self.

sets baby down

There’s a flip side to this Rut or Routine perspective which over the years I’ve decided is quite hormone based. Instead of appreciating stability and provision the desire for adventure and what comes down to covetousness can take over to a level of sin. Having been everywhere from deep sorrow to high elation I come to the conclusion that honesty is not over rated. There is a place for therapy, no shame in asking for help and allowing others loving people into your life. God provides in all sorts of ways. Count on Him. Find time to spend time reading the Bible and praying. If you profess Christianity, make use of God.

At the end of the day, you’re who you are. Others can tell you how to act, how to dress and what to say, but when you wake and when you sleep it’s just you and God…rut or routine.
You can’t care for others if you don’t care for yourself–I know I sure can’t. It’s fantastic having music going all day as I go about my day…getting outside time spacing up my indoor work. It’s been good as well to try to get in a bit of an exercise regimen as walking season comes to a close.

Focus Factor

Wednesday, November 11th, 2015

focus factor

This is AJ. She’ll be 4 in February.

She’s such a smartie, but doesn’t talk. AJ has just had her sixth speech therapy session and already is gaining the ability to make some consonant and vowel connections, that actually come out with incredible clarity to the point that she’s been taught thus far. It’s more than looking right at her when we talk and signing along with speech, AJ is also learning exercises to help her become more aware of her mouth. One over this week has been to line up cereal and pick up them (which she’s laid out by hand) up with her tongue. The pictures above are of her sitting down to show me this.
Precious child! We’re thankful to finally getting her the boost she needs, and look forward to hearing from her hopefully soon.