Archive for January, 2016

Still Me

Monday, January 11th, 2016

There’s one thing I can count on, be I 15 or 30…nothing will be quite as I plan.
Life is quiet until bam I say, plan or do something half off kilter. Yesterday I accepted an invite to stay at church for lunch, getting out of planned lunch at my house with my sister’s family using a lady from church’s cellphone because I’d left mine at the house. My little family (Darren, kids and I) got some lovely visiting in with church family then heading home saw my sister’s family heading back into town coming from the direction of our house. Writing this is even confusing!! They saw our van and turned around, following us home.
Telling the story if the confusion she acted as if I’d never called, whilest the timing of it all brought us to my house at the originally appointed time anyway. A new year doesn’t bring a new me. I’m still the one who can’t quite organize, but the flaw of my plot also isn’t entirely clear. Think that’s no big deal. True.
It’s just enough to send people home talking about me and not cause lasting damage. I’m a close cut flake out too–for two reasons, I work slowly and am absent minded. Example: my third child, sweet Willie, is VIP in his class this week. He told me Saturday night as I was doing baths that he had this. With two kids already through this piece of Kindergarten I know what it involves. However. being in the midst of suds up to my elbows in one bathroom and throwing towels at children coming out of the other the news completely entered one ear and slid right out the other. Usually I’d post a note of an important piece of my child’s life up on the wall, this didn’t happen.
My dear son mentioned it this morning like 30 minutes before I ought to have three kids out the door. I couldn’t find the photo that he really wanted and had to use his school photo instead and found one of him at Chuck E. Cheese which I wrote nothing about in the quick bit of information I scrawled out. Willie couldn’t find the toys he’d wanted to bring to share with friends so had to settle for something else. Since he’s VIP for a week I hope that tomorrow I can send a special snack and more pictures of whatever to flaunt that Willie is as treasured as any first child. He’s a gem that absolutely ought to be celebrated big and bright. I’m still me. Scheduling a play date for Deeder on a day that AJ already has an appointment 30 minutes away that I know about and while I was talking to the Mommy had in my mind that I had to avoid. However. I was remembering the wrong date as the one reserved for AJ. I’m too embarrassed of that mistake to the point that I’ll make it work somehow. As for messing up Cath’s life: I didn’t work as fast as I could have on a project for her teacher on my volunteer day, said I’d come back the next day to finish believing it was my husband’s day off thus he could watch AJ–forgetting that he had picked up the night shift and needed to sleep. I wrote in a cancelation promising to come in Monday morning. Monday morning is here. I woke up at 5:30 to clean up my mess from last night (Sunday when my sister and her family came over) thinking I’d be shining ready to leave early with the kids and finish up that job for Cath’s teacher while AJ was in her speech therapy at the school. Midst my tizzy to throw together Willie’s VIP paperwork I got a call from AJ’s therapist saying that she was too sick to come into school. Again an apology note goes out to Cath’s teacher.

I’m still me. Barely pulling the details together.

A new year doesn’t change who I am. At the end of my stay, success will be that I kept going and tied knots and sewed together the pieces of my children’s life quilts without missing too many important squares. I have a role that is needed and race against my own energy and mental wellness. I’m still me striving to be the best I can be, hoping that I don’t disappoint too many people between my waking and sleeping.

Who are you this year? I hope you’re not avoiding the escessence of yourself rather, striving to be a better person in the role that you’ve taken in every dimension that is involved in that title. I have a long way to go. I know I can’t take on anyone else’s story. I’m me and proud and thankful for what I have–until death there is room and chance for improvement.

At 15 I wasn’t learning how to drive as most kids are at that point in their life. I was preparing to take my community college entry tests in math and English which would give me the launch I needed from homeschool to higher education. The whole idea was really a little over reality because I could barely hang on to basic information at that time, going through tests to reach the right medications of my epilepsy. I made it though and at 16 started community college. I got a job that I’d work in the morning and go to school at night. Mid day was my time for homework–sometimes I’d walk miles for an interview that I needed and barely make my way back to school to turn in the completed project. Here I am years later hardly hanging on to the hems of reality. It works, and I’m thankful for the degree of success that I’ve had and comfort that I enjoy despite looking out on so much room for improvement. While I’m still me, I love that there’s a future to look forward to and room for ambition.

Go, life, go me. Thank you, everyone who helps keep this force going forward. With all my imperfections I don’t know how anything’s possible, but it comes together and I love that.

Now That It’s Here

Saturday, January 9th, 2016

264942_10150688542940425_5036507_nI’m absolutely trigger happy to always say the right things–always to write what is true and keep just the best things priority and care for everyone including myself for the short and long run. This morning I was woken by kids wanting to snuggle in bed with me and read books we’d just fetched from the library. The day before that was pretty flawless, or able to be remembered that way anyway. Life with my four loud, ambitious, rambunctious children is an ongoing adventure…that if you’re paying only partially attention can be just hard to listen to. They can get carried away and talk over each other–interestingly, however, by the end of the day when it’s officially lights out and closing time they’re at peace with each other and accept I love yous and hugs.
Our world goes around and around, and this year is a building piece off 2015. Hopefully better, hopefully happier and more focused on our goals, our passions properly placed and our learning curve in a beautiful swing. I am a believer in the idea that New Years resolutions should be realistic. I think it’s totally realistic to try to occupy minds in books and outdoor play as much as we do video games! Or strive to thrive at subjects that we’re not getting financial reward over.
Now that it’s here. I am going to keep doing what’s worked in days past: making use of my energy, working out to build more physical energy and keeping close to Christ spiritually to keep that hype up. I need it. Also. Now that it’s here. I want to write every day. That’s awesome and I know from experience that no matter the flavor of my day, writing about it is communion with myself over how ready I am for the next.