And it will Always be This Way

I remember crying when Deeder wouldn’t feed the way that babies are meant to. I was lucky–he picked up the practice without too very much struggle. He became a regular every two to three hour eater, and gained in a very regular pattern.
As the months added up Deeder accepted new foods into his life, all sorts of purees and cereal. Before I knew it there was real food–chunks and pieces and bits of this and that.

By 11 months I was ready to proudly walk into the pediatrician’s office at our 12 month baby wellness visit and say, “Yes, he’s been weaned for a few weeks now already.”
He and I had successfully dropped the two night nursings and were working on dismissing the day time feedings. I thought these would be easy–since Deeder enjoyed so many grown-up foods–just stick something yummy and age appropriate in front of him, problem solved.

12 Month Wellness came along. “Yes, well, it’s good that he’s eating so much. But, I don’t want you to be so interested in weaning right now.” She talked about it as if I were some kind of person who was trying to pressure my little infant out of something that vitally needed if he were to stay on earth. Before me I saw a young boy who was crawling, not walking, but he could sure get around fine…nursing is for babies. Right?
I live in a town where everyone nurses, I met a woman who nurses her 6-year-old every day after he comes home from school. Had I been pressuring Deeder to wean? I didn’t think so and I didn’t mean to, I was just doing what I thought was right.

There are some things that are good to have forever, but not this thing.

My mom gave me a good plan–
Eliminate noon
Give that one week
Eliminate morning
Give that one week
Last, take away the before bed nursing.

(Deeder signing “MORE” :P hehe!)

Two weeks ago I started the plan.
Day one: gave Deeder a very big lunch, lots of milk from a cup, read him a story, put on his fav music and said good nap. Crying and crying and crying and crying. I came in and saw that he had a large portion of his shirt wet from tears, he was layed out flat on his back kicking his legs with quickly fleeting bits of adrenalin. Hearing the door open he lifted his head and said, “Mum? mum?” I gave him what he wanted and in no more than two minutes he was asleep. He slept soundlessly until 5pm.

Day two, three, four, five, six, and seven–of week one: in all except Day 4 I gave up and nursed him, despite having a big noon meal he still thinks he needs that bit of mum.

Week 2. Daddy puts Deeder to bed. Deeder cries red face and real turns until he gets the hiccups. “Mum? Mum? Mum?” Listening to his shaking voice from crying with those hopeful words wishing for rescue I couldn’t resist, um, rescuing him. He nursed for forty five minutes that night.

So as I sit here, right now, at 8:05PM, I can officially say that Deeder nurses more than he did before his first birthday.

After my miscarriage my body gave Deeder a whole extra supply of mommy made baby food. I don’t know what the science is behind that–maybe just my body providing for someone who was supposed to be there but wasn’t. With that, Deeder being my only baby, I had to nurse him for my own comfort.
The miscarriage was three weeks after Deeder’s 12 month wellness visit.

Diederick loves me, and I love him. He’s my baby…my beautiful baby who adores me, and I want it always to be this way. Just different.
I just want to cut myself out of the Deeder Food Chain.

What’s the point of this post?
Not asking for support in continuing to breastfeed! I want a well adjusted big boy who doesn’t need to turn into a baby at bedtime, nap time, or when he gets a scrape on his knee.

Yes, he does reach down my shirt and say, “mum?”
Someone laughed seeing this and said, “Well, the little feller knows what he wants, doesn’t he?”

I don’t want it always to be this way, but I also don’t want it to be a river of tears for my little love.

(My Deeder just a minute ago waiting for his mum)

Sorry any guys who might read this, I know it was a bit of a girlie subject.

Tomorrow’s topic: Deeder’s first music class! Tune in :D

7 Responses to “And it will Always be This Way”

  1. Wendy says:

    I am still nursing Lani before nap and bed…this is how she falls asleep. I was getting up in the middle of the night when she woke up, but we recently cut that out. Only took a few nights of crying it out and Michael going in there. Now she sleep through the night. I do know that I want to wean Lani off the sleepy time feedings but I honestly am not looking forward to all that you just described!! I can hear her now, “Mooommmeee, bobbbiiieesss”!! Yeah, I would totally give in!!! Especially if Michael wasn’t here! YIKES!!

  2. Gramma Momma says:

    That was a fun post (although it is a trying time for both of you). It’s funny how different children are from one another. I waited to wean you children until you were eating and drinking well, and it seemed like you didn’t mind the gradual decrease in nursings. Admittedly, the before bed nursing lasted for a while, but not too much past one year. I don’t remember anyone putting up much of a fuss. But . . . That was a while ago, so maybe I’m just forgetting. :)

  3. Jess says:

    You know you’re doing what’s best for D and you, no matter what you choose. And you know this because you are an awesome mama.

  4. Pam says:

    You’re a great mom. Follow your gut instincts! You’ll know what is right and when.

    I give you a HUGE atta-girl for still nursing. I made it a whopping 2 1/2 months before I became a breast feeding quitter.

  5. Laura says:

    thanks for the encouragement!!! I guess what I’d like would be for Deeds to just one day say no more nursing on his own–but he doesn’t seem to be doing that right now, and I want him to!!
    Pam, Deeder wouldn’t take a bottle at all–thats what made me stay committed to breastfeeding.

  6. stephanie smith says:

    I’m so glad to hear you’re still nursing! I plan on nursing for at least two years. That’s so sweet that Deeder pulls at your shirt. How cute.

    also, i wanted to say that i’m so sorry to hear that you had a miscarriage. I didn’t even know. I’ll be trying to email you soon. “My grace is suffient for thee”

  7. Renee says:

    I promise, he will wean someday…Try not to stress either way…It will all work out.

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