Remember Ruby?


It was October 10th, 2006 when Deeder and I met a little girl named Ruby. We were hanging out at the Co-op Playroom, one of our favorite places to be on our regular outings. I think during the summer and autumn we were there daily, just about anyway.
Just as were we getting ready to leave a frazzled looking mom come around the corner and opened the gate to the playroom. She looked like she was in a huge rush and was looking forward to putting a very long Wednesday behind her.

She asked me if I was a stay at home mom, how old Deeder was, and if I would watch her little daughter Ruby while she shopped. Since I was on my way out I was hesitant to say yes, but of course I did say yes. It was odd, very strange really, of her to ask a stranger to watch her little kid…but she did say it would only be ten minutes. What kind of shopping does a person do it ten minutes? That’s only enough time to order and pay of a coffee. You could click here if you’re interested in a bit of a memory refresher on how the whole situation panned out.

Today we were there again at the Co-Op Playroom for the first time in MONTHS. Deeder was having an absolutely ball from the second I got him out of the stroller, rediscovering all of his little favorite toys. We hadn’t been there more than 5 of 6 minutes before a vaguely familiar looking pair came in. I couldn’t quite place their faces. It was when the mother asked me if I was a stay-at-home mom and how old Deeder was that I remembered. She said “Oh what a nice name! This is Ruby. Would you watch her for just ten minutes? I’d like to shop real quick.”

I said, “No, we’re actually just packing up here.”

Interesting that she didn’t remember me. Does she do this often?


NO and a MILLION times NO, lady!!!

She persisted a little by asking if it were OK if she left Ruby for a minute while she went and grabbed a cup of water. 3 minutes later she returned with a cup of water and sat down with a Parenting magazine while she drank the water. She asked again if I would watch her daughter. I shook my head no and told her that we really were leaving soon.

Another mom entered with a really tiny baby. Ruby’s mom asked her about watching Ruby. This lady didn’t mind being honest and said that she didn’t feel comfortable doing it because she wasn’t working there. Good answer! Why did I have to tell a falsehood? This situation reminded me of my friend Tamina and her seven hour play dates that I for months submitted to with an indescribable fear of hurting her feelings. When I finally gathered the courage to say that I coudn’t take even one more of these record braking long play dates she never called me again.

And then there was Jason, remember him? I wrote about him Sept 20th, thru Sept 23, 2007. We never did see him outside of his house as far as I can remember. I later found out that his father isn’t married to the mom; he lives in NY and moved them to Vermont so that they’d be closer. For all I know, the guy could have a second family in New York that Jason’s mom is unaware of. By this time Jason has a little sister. I hope that there’s hope for her–that by age two she’ll be doing more than grunting as her brother who was nearly two when we met him did.

Am I too judgmental of these people?


Perhaps I too live like a hermit and am perceived negatively by women who are able to get their kids out of the house in the winter months. What kind of mother am I to only take my boy out in the summer and fall weather? I make excuse for it easily enough–I have epilepsy that’s why I can’t let my son live a normal life of regular interaction with peers. Maybe when people hear that they come up with solutions in their mind–If she really cared she’d take a taxi and invest her money in worthwhile things like music class. I guess that’s true.
The hassle is huge for me, and that’s why I don’t make it.

I hope this doesn’t seem like too much of a rant post, I don’t mean for it to be.

Darren says that the faults we see in other people are sometimes our biggest personal flaws. Maybe I see insufficiencies in myself that are the most glaring in my own person. Somehow I rationalize those problems in myself by seeing it in other people. I isolate myself and feel bad for what longterm effects it may have on Deeder.

Thinking back on these children I’ve met I’ll remember that possibility and try to curb my temptation to be overly critical.


Good news: When we were walking to the Co-Op we chanced to meet up with Darren’s friend Jen from work. She invited us to go to playgroup tomorrow with her and her daughter Sophie.
What a blessing! I hope that Deeder sleeps well tonight and is up to going. He has a case of the sniffles, it’s bad enough to have woken him up twice last night–which did a number on my getting a good nights rest. :P I’ll try to bring my camera and take pictures if we go.
Darren may say no to the idea because he fears Deeder getting sick. That’s the group where a child got pertussis. I’ll stick with the opinion that germs are everywhere and perhaps promise to give Deeder a bath afterwards. Of course if Daddy does say no then that’s the end of it. Daddy is the boss!

Goodnight everyone! I hope you all had happy Mondays :)
Ours was good from the moment I checked the weather and saw that we’d be getting into the ABOVE freezing numbers!!

5 Responses to “Remember Ruby?”

  1. Jennifer says:

    I can never begin to understand people who are willing to drop their children off with just anybody. My co worker had to go out of town a while ago and she asked me to watch her 2 1/2 yo son and 12 yo step daughter, both whom I’ve only met ONCE!! I did it of course, cuz she was in a pinch but it was really awkward! AND NEVER AGAIN!!! EVER!

  2. Kathie says:

    I don’t think you’re being critical in general, just critical of people who don’t respect your time, at least regarding the two little girls and their mothers. You’re doing a great job as a mom, and if you do have 6-7 kids total, then you’ll have a play group at your own house:)

  3. that is so sad about Ruby & Jason … I can’t imagine leaving my children with a complete stranger as lovely as I imagine you look.

  4. Wendy says:

    I think that germs are everywhere and if you just make sure that you wash his hands after and don’t let him mouth toys, he should be fine!! We went to a play gym yesterday and kids were coughing like crazy. We just made sure that we washed her up after:) LOL!! Luckily she is not an oral child, so that certainly helps! I also find it funny that you call Darren the “boss”! HEE! Michael wouldn’t dare tell me what to do!

  5. Pam says:

    I swear some people should have their fertliity removed. I was just thinking about Jason the other day, wondering how mom is doing with him, new baby, and the struggles of the world.

    I don’t think that I would have felt comfortable watchin Ruby either. Come on… You don’t even know the lady?!?!? KWIM????

    You’re an awesome mom!!!

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