I Trust You

Can you say that to your 2-year-old? Or any two-year-old.

I was thinking about that today. Mine says “No” to 70% of what I say. I try to be nice about the things that I ask him to do. I try to keep the rules simple and to coax him into obedience rather than demand it and punish when I’m not immediately obeyed. I’m finding that this can take lots of patience!

I call it developing Trust.

Seldom does he hop down from the chair that he’s climbed up on to reach things he’s not allowed to get into when I tell him to. But I do know he understands my asking him to get down.

Our daily routine is pretty concrete; there’s a time to wake up, a time to eat, and a time to sleep. The details in between those events depend on our mood and what day of the week it is. He trusts that I will provide what he needs and I trust that he will co-operate with the choices that I make.

That sounds pretty straight forward, but I’m sure you know it isn’t always as cut and dry as I might like for it to be.

So I ask him to get down. He doesn’t. Then I tell him to get down. Then I wait, returning to straightening of things in the kitchen, then I rinse out the washcloth and head into the dining area to clear off the table. Chair is still pushed up against the counter top next to the drawers where Deeder isn’t supposed to be. Ah yes, and there he is, standing there and looking at me.

Children are unique, and usually their grown-ups have a handful of quirks too. That’s what makes life fun and interesting!

Time for the next step: Repeat request. I do so. Deeder responds with “No!” Proceed to next step:
Remove child from chair and return chair to table where it belongs, close drawer.

I was tired and achy–maybe I caught GrammaMomma’s flu-ish bug over the phoneline Sunday when I talked to her?

Deeder didn’t resist my moving him. He didn’t go and get the chair and take it back to the counter either. In fact, he seemed to have been putting his life on hold to see if I’d come over and take him down.

WHY?? I don’t get it.

Daddy often tells me what a good boy Deeder is in the mornings when I leave the two alone together so that I can go to my OB appointments. Before I go I feed Deeder and dress him, if I’m feeling well, we even go outside for a little bit and play. Then I take him upstairs, change his diaper and stick him in our bedroom with a few books and a basket of toys. According to Daddy’s report, Deeder sits and plays quietly for a whole two hours together just waiting for Darren to be ready to start the day. Working night hours is tough, and puts a damper on family activities but Deeder understands.

We trust Deeder is in having age appropriate expectations of him.

An example:
I’ve told him at least a couple dozen times, it feels like a couple hundred, to stay away from the road. The number of times I’ve repeated myself doesn’t in any way mean that I can believe he will always be careful. I have to have both eyes on him at all times. I need to be right there ready to pull him back and repeat “stay away from the road.” He understands that if he struggles in determination to get closer to the moving traffic that Mommy will take him inside the house.
That too is trust.

Sometimes it takes awhile, but I do think that he and I understand each other. Trust is based on love, and love we do have!

Aren’t these pictures great? The colors are a little funky, I like them though. Credit goes to Daddy and his still-to-be-understood Nikon D200. They have yet to become one. I guess I could get better with my camera too, it’s just so easy to get the quality pictures that I have been that I just don’t really try for more. If you didn’t guess, these are a little old. Maybe taken in February? Daddy doesn’t empty his memory card very often!

Any helpful hints on Trust? Or, if you prefer, mutual understanding of power hierarchy taught in a polite manner! Remember those drawers I was talking about Deeder getting into? By the next day I was so tired of telling him no, being told no in return, then getting him down from the chair that I just taped the drawers closed. He complained about it for no more than two minutes then went on to playing with his trucks. The tape stayed.

5 Responses to “I Trust You”

  1. Marylin says:

    Aww he’s really growing up now isn’t he? I agree that we can’t let them out of our sights for a minute. I think these ‘rules’ we make for our children just aren’t remembered at the right times when they’re this age.

    Marylin’s last blog post..Hai kudn’t think of a title?

  2. Gramma Momma says:

    I think it’s true that your lovingly enforced rules and your patient dialog with Diederick are indeed helping to build trust. When he doesn’t obey you immediately, and you wait to see if he will obey, it sounds as if he waits also to see if you really mean what you say. It is hard work, and time-consuming, but it sounds like you’re working it out just fine. :)

    Gramma Momma’s last blog post..Thirteen Things I did after work on Wednesday

  3. lauren says:

    ahh the good old Digital SLR camera. Im still trying to figure out my Nikon D80 – it’s coming with time – and the only way it gets any better is with practice – and not on the Automatic mode!
    I totally understand the not offloading of the card! Mine holds at least 1,000 photos, so I let it go for awhile, though then it becomes difficult to manage/edit with all those photos!
    Happy Friday!

  4. Kathie says:

    Wonderful post. No, I don’t have any further hints. You’ve pretty much described how we are teaching our little one. We try very hard to be consistent with our few rules, so that he’ll be able to anticipate the outcome of certain behaviors, and hopefully learn to make good choices in the future.

  5. Amanda says:

    Has Darren checked the colour mode? I seem to recall several photographers complaining about the redness when they first got their D200’s. I can’t remember the Nikon terms and I’m not familiar with them since I have a Canon, but ask him if it’s on ‘vivid’ colour or something similar to that. It works really well for landscape photography but it’s too saturated for skin. HTH.

    Amanda’s last blog post..Giddyup Horsey

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