Deeder’s Mark

My face felt fuzzy and puffy when I strapped Deeder into his carseat this afternoon. Daddy had been the one to suggest that I put Deeder in, I guess he knew it would be a little private good bye moment for me.

It was the kind of fuzzy that your face does when it’s getting ready for salty tears come. I felt silly being this way, and tried to nod and answer all of his “Mommy?” “Mommy?” questions with telling him he was going for a ride with Daddy and that I’d be right here waiting for him with Sissy.
I told him to be good, like I do every time that they go out and gave him a little kiss on the head.

I kissed Daddy good bye and went inside and picked Carly up out of her swing. We sat by the window where Deeder and I used to wave to Darren when he left for work. I didn’t know what to do after Carly and I waved goodbye. There didn’t seem to be any point in cleaning up if I were the only one to notice.

I’d told Daddy that Carly and I would nap, so I carried her upstairs and tried to do that. She fell right asleep there snuggled into me and I stared up at the ceiling. Despite myself I did cry, just a little, not too much.

Darren would take good care of Deeder and I’d be sure to not worry.
Eventually I did fall asleep, I know I did because the phone rang and my eyes opened up.

I fell asleep again and when I woke up it was 5 o’clock, Carly’s hand was wrapped around my finger, squeezing tight as if she wanted to be near me as much as I wanted her to be there. It was nice and I felt happy to have this moment.

It was nice to have her here and not worry about her being jumped on, scratched or sat on by her loving but very big brother! I missed him though, even the danger he inadvertently poses to baby Sis, silly boy!

I spent some time on the ole blog, tweaking things a little here and a little there.

When cleaning up in the evening I found myself hesitating to clean away Deeder’s little marks of busyness.

The truck he’d left in the hall upstairs, the Gerber Graduates fork under the dining room table, and the half sippy of milk in the refrigerator, and last night’s pajamas next to the changing table by the diaper wipes. I still haven’t dumped out the sippy cup.

It’s sitting there as a reminder that he’ll be back.

Take good care of him, Daddy and Taron folk! Take plenty of pictures for Carly and I to see. :)

8 Responses to “Deeder’s Mark”

  1. Amanda says:

    there are no words to explain how you feel in a moment like that, its not emptiness, or sadness…its just an empty feeling, but it is always felt with love! We have the same sippy cup for Ryan.

    Amanda’s last blog post..A Day at the Park

  2. Jennifer says:

    :( I’m sad for you! But happy that you’ll be able to have some very special 1 on 1 time with little Carly!

    Jennifer’s last blog post..Mommy & Me Pic’s

  3. Gramma Momma says:

    Oh, you make me feel so sad, even as I’m excited to see your guys in a while here. Seth and I went out grocery shopping today with Diederick in mind, but I just remembered that I forgot the whole milk. I’ll go out again to get that, after I take doggie for a walk. I’ll do a post about a little gift I got for Diederick, too.


    Gramma Momma’s last blog post..Finally . . . A blog post!

  4. […] a visit. Our daughter Laura is at home with new baby Carly, already missing her guys very much. On her post today, she asked me to post lots of pictures. The guys aren’t here yet, but here is a picture of […]

  5. Marylin says:

    Aww bless you! I’ve never been away from Zack for more than a day or two if I’ve gone to stay with my parents, but never him going away from me – I don’t know what I’d do with myself!

    Marylin’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  6. lauren says:

    aww. Im sure they’ll have a wonderful trip, and it will give you and Carly some nice, un-interrupted (though probably usually welcomed) bonding time. Sounds like you have plenty of chances to rest now, which is probably just absolutely wonderful.
    Hang in there – they’ll be back soon!

  7. Kathie says:

    A big hug to you:) Hope all goes well for Darren and Deeder’s trip.

  8. Rebecca says:

    Oh, this made made me cry a little…

    Rebecca’s last blog post..We bought locally grown food ? hooray!

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