If I Didn’t Remember Being a Child


Trying to weaning Deeder of sleeping in Darren and my bedroom would be an easier thing if my childhood nights were a real part of the past. He doesn’t nap anymore either–yesterday he fell asleep sitting on my lap while I was blogging, other times he falls asleep during dinner.

But I do remember being a child and the extreme fears that came in the dark late hours of the night. It’s the train that wakes Deeder up four times a night and sends him speeding across the hall to our room and into our bed. He nestles himself as tightly as he can between us and whimpers for a little while before falling deep asleep again. When Darren’s working night shift I let Deeder stay in bed with me, even start out sleeping in our bed. He’s so sweet–he holds my hand all night and instead of waking for the train he just gets a little closer, his eyes not opening at all, and says “Mommy mommy mommy” in his sleep.

For me it was nightmares, more specifically, the same dream night after night. Somehow it was more terrible as time went on, perhaps scary to me because it was always the same. My only explanation today is that I was having seizures firing off in the same spot of my brain triggering these thoughts. My mom always let me into her room, I can’t remember once her sending me back excusing my fears as fake. She’d look at me with concern and make arrangement for me to sleep in their room where I found comfort and relief from those fearsome dreams. I usually slept on the floor on a little bed that she made up at the foot of their bed and that was all I needed.

Gotta tell ya, I’m so glad that I don’t have those dreams anymore and that my mom who was probably tired beyond belief at the hour I’d come in always showed compassion. What reason do I have to be a worst host than she was.

When Darren’s home I take Deeder back to his room after he’s asleep since there isn’t room for three in our full size bed. This means my little boy comes in four, maybe five times, again and again each night which means a pretty restless night for me with his sister waking at 6:45 each AM.


How long until Deeder adjusts to the sound of the train passing by? How long until I forget being a child and handle this like any other parent would? To me this isn’t a, “let him cry it out” situation–allowing fear to build by denying a certain comfort is no solution at all because it’s all too clear of a memory.

5 Responses to “If I Didn’t Remember Being a Child”

  1. Kathy Carr says:

    My girls both have nightmares (ages 2 and 5). The bad dreams got much worse when we turned off the window A/C unit and we realized it was noise-related. So we got a humidifier and noise machine. They both help some. But we also let them sleep with us a lot. We have a king size bed and lots of times it feels like there still isn’t room for me! If you have any insight to the bad dreams let me know! The seizure thing makes me worry… I had also thought of getting them sleep-tested but haven’t explored that option yet.

  2. GrammaMomma says:

    It was nice seeing you, Deeder and Carly today, Sweetie.
    Someday Deeder will probably remember the nighttime sound of the train as a comforting sound. For now, it sounds like you’re doing fine helping him learn not to fear. :)

  3. Lyd says:

    Ahh, poor baby.
    It sounds like you’re doing great. Deeder is lucky to have you.
    Cool seeing you today, man. We should have coffee sometime soon. :)

  4. Kathie says:

    Poor Deeder! Hope he starts sleeping better soon.

  5. tammy says:

    You might try a fan in his room, facing the wall, so it doesnt blow on him. If he still wakes up so much then it wont have been from hearing the train. Shawn runs a fan while he sleeps during the day (as he works at night) and he can’t hear anything outside of the room.

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