I’m Not Good Enough

I missed posting about that Big Boy’s first day of school. I didn’t take pictures of the paintings that he brought home; I haven’t bragged about how well my Big Girl is doing in preschool. I haven’t told you that my Baby Girl is Seven months old now, that she has five teeth and weighs 17lbs, is nearly crawling. And that Koen, he’s Three years old next week.

Depressing subject line? I feel like I have a right to it today. I’m still soaking in self pitty over the failure of something that I put a lot of effort into, yes I am…
When I try to raise myself up GOD pushes me down, keeps me looking for the answers.
Over and over it’s come to Me, find joy in Me.
Matthew 11:28 is for this blogger, once again. “Come unto me, all you that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

I have to bring myself up. My brother used to say, When you write it, write again and I do that over and over to you oh returning reader if you’re there.

I write about self doubt, don’t I? And one day, it’ll make me lose everything.
What I need to get back to is writing about the daily stuff, put up those videos and daily moments that make this the obvious happy life that is beyond anything that I could dream of.

When I get low, how is it that there’s a little smiling child needing my help. A child given to me by the LORD to care for. Good Lord, there are four children. There’s a house and a husband, a good routine and more than anything a GOD who gives me all things that I need, leaving nothing wanting.
Diederick is 6. Carly is 4. Koen’s almost 3. And Abegayle is the better part of 1 year old.

It’s not, “I’m Not Good Enough” It’s “I’m Enough”

Lift up your eyes to the heavens, and look upon the earth beneath: for the heavens shall vanish away like smoke, and the earth shall wax old like a garment, and they that dwell therein shall die in like manner: but my salvation shall be for ever, and my righteousness shall not be abolished. Isaiah 51:6

Words of encouragement to mothers who lose their focus, click here and find solace in this lady’s sanity.

Now that I’ve written this, I’m going to press publish and turn around and address the disagreement brewing between Carly and her younger brother. I’m going to go downstairs and fold a load of laundry, put the washer load in the dryer. Then after those clean cloths are put away I’ll clean the bathrooms.
By the time that’s done I’ll start dinner, then put away more laundry. We’ll eat, do bath time, then to bed.
I’ll tell the kids that they had better get good sleep because tomorrow Uncle Mitch and Auntie-to-Be Amy will be visiting Grampa and Gramma’s.

8:15PM: My baby and youngest son and big girl Carly are asleep. Three loads of laundry put away, one waiting. I’m watching a Law and Order episode, with 3 hours until Darren gets home. I’ll close my eyes for a moment after this episode is done, then finish up whatever’s left of the day. Tomorrow’s a new start, with a happier blog post. :-)

2 Responses to “I’m Not Good Enough”

  1. Katie Powell says:

    Sounds like things/life compounded and you got overwhelmed. That was a brave, raw, and honest post–it seems that too often we try to gloss over our negative feelings with “oh, I’m fine!” It was interesting how you were at the same time complaining, realizing you were complaining and feeling ashamed for being ungrateful, and counseling yourself with your plan for the day and verses. Thank you.

  2. Laura says:

    Thanks for reading, Katie! My blog is my non-gloss over zone. Sometimes I cry while I write; this is an awesome place. :-)
    Laura recently posted..The RealistMy Profile

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