Take It Slow

There is such a vast difference in our ages that the words “take it slow” came to us from close friends to those who were mere acquaintances. Other words of concern included:

“Make sure you really know each other well before you make significant decisions about where your relationship is heading”

“Spend time together in person so that you can see how the other interacts with other individuals.”

“Don’t rush it; if you love each other now, then you will feel the same way five, or more years down the road. Take it slow.”

These words were usually neither an encouragement or meant to deter us from staying in touch.

The truth is, we didn’t really take it slow. We only officially courted for about two weeks before becoming engaged. The time spent before that was only a matter of months. However, if Time Getting To Know Each Other were to be measured by minutes, we did follow council. There were hundreds of minutes together each week across the phone (Darren’s cell phone bill bears witness to this). By December of last year I couldn’t handle it any longer.

Of course I wasn’t allowed to go visit Darren. 2934 miles away. It’d look like I were pursuing him, or worse, chasing him. Darren needs to make the first move; initiative it’s called. So, no, I couldn’t go, people might start talking. All of this, made sense, but I knew that I had to make that eight hour flight.

And I did.

When I first saw Darren the day following my arrival I didn’t know him. I only knew him when I heard his voice. What I was at a loss for then was how to act. Should I hug him? Or might people, “start talking” if I engaged in such an act? This question only lingered only a matter of seconds. He hugged me. I figured that counted as the initiative that he was responsible for taking on.

There wasn’t a way to avoid being shy. This I had to lend to only knowing him when he spoke. Perhaps only someone who has become close to another only by means of the Internet and/or the phone can understand such a feeling. We spent those days with little talk, just lazily sitting in each other’s company. It wasn’t until my return home again that we discussed our first impressions.

I decided in those two days that I wanted Darren to stay in my life forever. This decision didn’t allow for any swaying by anyone. The only shaky bit was I wasn’t absolutely positively sure how Darren felt about meeting me. Five months later we became engaged.

What was I thinking about a year ago? I didn’t view myself as romantically liking Darren, or even preferring him above anyone. However, we had become pretty consistent in our correspondence, emailing back and forth on issues of mutual interest. This was a safe way to get to know another him; nothing personal involved.

Sometimes when recalling the proposal I am asked, “Well, when’s the date?” often my audience is surprised by my reply. “Are you crazy? September 10?” they might say, “Usually engagements last about a year. How ever will you get everything done??” To this my answer is that I wouldn’t have it any other way. And it’s true, we haven’t taken it fast and we haven’t taken it slow. I don’t think that I could wish for anything better than this.

Sometimes the differences, the little surprises, are what make life worth living. Worth loving.

5 Responses to “Take It Slow”

  1. Willena says:

    People thought Ian and I were in too big a hurry too. We courted for six months, and then our engagement was only six weeks. It was either get married in February or wait till the summer. But when you know, you *know*, ya know? ;-) We have never had any reason to regret our brief engagement.


  2. Laura says:

    When you know you know, that’s for sure. The bad part is when you’re unable to explain it! Why was this right? Certainly it had to more than a feeling!

  3. Chris says:

    Good post; you’re so right.

  4. Lyd says:

    That’s just awesome. :)

  5. Laura says:

    Thanks, Chris and Lyd! It’s great that you liked the post. :D

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