Don’t Stop

I wrote a post September 3rd, 2005 that I’d like this to be a Part 2 for. My heart is broken, but not as broken as it could be, looking at that post because while it’s all true, I feel uncomfortable to one of the people who agreed with me is dead–his life was cut tragically short four years ago. Today I want to talk about how the same subject and how what I said then is timelessly the fact of today.
Calendar pages have flown by, I’ve had fears and buried them so many times, and guess what…I’m still going strong. My relationship with my husband is still alive, and I’m so ready to watch more calendar pages turn and more years to fold together continuing on our story.

When I got married, well, long before I got married or was ever loved by Darren, I wanted to be the Proverbs 31 woman. Over the years I’ve realized that I’m not to be excellent in the order of these verses, I’m to be what he wants me to be. I need to never change in a way that’s unpleasing to him, and if I can do that I can remain where I need to be. What I do want is for him to smile and laugh more, as he used to. I’ve become many things, as I always hoped to be, but second to a child of God I’m the wife of Darren and that’s what I always want to be. Wherever he is, I want to be, and while cliche, I’ll say it–He feels like home.

One of the reasons why I wanted to do a Part 2 of Take It Slow is that Darren turns 50 in two days. While some days have been hard, there have been more cheerful busy days that tears. He’s become such a wonderful father, which actually he was from Day One of our first child coming home from the hospital. He knows how blessed we are to have four gorgeous kids, the youngest of whom wasn’t even talking a couple years ago and is now learning to read.

Darren and I came together on social media before social media was a thing. It was a conversation after 1am in a yahoo chatroom that we first came into conversation, reading it we sound the same in humor as we would today. Of course I have to put a link in for that as well…First Chat.
And from the time that we decided to be a couple, every conversation involved at least a small segment of mutually expressed concern about our age difference. We both agreed that as we got older the age gap, interestingly though what happened is that life became so busy that age never had a chance to matter.

We also came together over religion. Without being part of the religious group we were in, we never would have met. When that small church unit crumbled I worried that my marriage would also fall away, thankfully though God had (and still does) His hand working in our relationship and we became even stronger than what had brought us together which is awesome. Our Christian belief system is still central to everything we do, while we’ll tell you we don’t operate perfectly, as nothing is possibly perfect on earth, there are quite particular things that we cling to: keeping the Lords Day holy, not celebrating Christmas, and singing only Psalms in church. I feel myself fading on the last of those three, but because it means so much to Darren, my mouth never opens in song to anything that isn’t a Psalm.

My husband is a nurse, and here and there I get to hear stories of how much he meant to people in his care. That makes me so proud and thankful that I was where I was at just the right time for us to become an us at all. The kids and I irritate him sometimes, ok, it feels like a lot lately, but at the heart of it, we just want to see him smile. As I’m thinking about Darren and all he means to me, I’ve again brought up Thirteen Things about Darren written in 2008.

For his 50th birthday he’d just like to spend the day with me. No one wants to watch the kids for long though, so it may be like many other years. Actually, before I complain about no one wanting to watch the kids, I had better confess that we’re both working on his actual birthday–I’m working from 7:30 til 2:30 at the high school, and he does night shift that day which means we’ll only see each other between 3 and 9pm, which is better than nothing but far from how things used to be.

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