I want to be…

I grow tired of talking about myself.

Yesterday’s writing left me feeling sad, and that’s not what I like. That being said, it’s not coming down. Quite often a blank page such as this is the best place to get out rusty old feelings in a way that allows them a certain ambiguity.

Today was a treasure. I want to write a little about it this evening. Thank goodness I have pictures! Enough of the vintage stuff!!

We spent Sunday afternoon at the Hovander Park walking trails. I think it was supposed to be an all family venture, but somehow Darren and the boys broke off and it was just the AJ, Carly and I. Our conversation drifted from how their school year is going, to what everyone is most looking forward to about our summer vacation. As we moved along the trails we often saw dogs and their owners strolling or going for a run. This got us talking about how much cooler these were than our dog. Poor Daisy. She really does give effort towards being a good dog, it’s just she gets bored and wants to have the liberty to run around and do her business in neighbor’s yards!

That aside, we took up the subject of what the girls want to be when they grow up.

As a child, and a teenager too, all I knew is that I wanted to be someone helpful who would be missed if I died. Beyond that, I really couldn’t stick to any idea.

Carly seems to have a similar thought pattern at the present time, which is only as a ten year old, so we do have a bit of time.

She surmises that she’ll move out when she’s 18 and get two dogs when she gets an apartment of her own. One will be small and the other will be good for taking on runs. She went on to describe what her apartment will look like. Good luck finding an apartment in this city that allows dogs She’ll have a job at a store so that she can afford to have a car and live in her apartment. Then she’ll start college. In response to my asking what she’ll study she said, “An artist, but one who makes money” While I was nodding and smiling about the idea of my sweet girl growing up to be a happy person, independent and pursuing dreams she went on in the story of her imagined future. “After a few years I’ll get married to my boyfriend. While I’m in college I’ll have a boyfriend.” A boyfriend? What kind of boy? What does he do for work? I hope you two aren’t planning on living together!

Life is like this pond consumed in lily pads. It can become so consumed in plants that the clear shimmery water that casts a perfect mirror of the sky above can become overwhelmed. The formerly non existent vegetation creates a home to many life forms that before would not be thriving or even present without the pads. Such is the case in life. We get so busy that our daily choices can draw us away from original plans. Details are what make up our journey.

Presently my girls have the flexibility to dream, and I love that. They have such a clear canvas. Their choices are open and I really do think they could be anything they dream of. What’s my role? It’s to support and encourage them. I have to confess that I’m nervous. What if I’m letting opportunities pass them by already?

She’s getting so tall. May I continue to remark on that each time we take a picture together?! She’s still so sassy and spirited. I love the sound of her laughter and hope she’ll always have something to be delighted over. I hope the life she imagines for herself will be full of people and places that will keep her heart happy and continue to give her a reason to smile.

There is of course much to be said of AJ. She always has something witty to add to conversation. We cannot imagine life without her.

For now, however, I must sleep. You know, so that I can wake up and do all my mama stuff again. One week of school remaining. :)

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

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