Tony Chestnut

I’m sorry to tell you this, buddy…

Today’s the day that you died. Thank you for being my boy. I really appreciate it, I do.

Just writing this my throat is tightening and my eyes are beginning to water. If you were here you’d be jumping up on my lap, purring and trying to nudge my hands off the keyboard so that I’d rub behind your ears. If I didn’t, you’d hop up on the desk and block the whole monitor because that’s how big and selfish you were.

I’m sorry that I didn’t know you were sick. You kitties do a damn good job hiding illness.

AJ found you laying in the lawn and called to me say that you were sunbathing really flat in the grass and that I had to come look right now.

When I came I could clearly see you weren’t feeling your usual mischievous self. You’re the kind of boy who likes to crouch low in the grass and jump out at peoples feet only to sit back and smile like you’d just tried to slap a pesky insect off their foot rather than nearly tear open their flesh.

Your body was floppy when I rubbed your shoulders in the way that you like. I hear a weak, “C’mon buddy, wake up” come out of my mouth in a pitiful way that did not sound familiar at all. Your eyes looked glassy and your paws a faint purple which I didn’t think was even a thing. As I leaned closer I saw that your precious sweet nose that you’d so often pressed against my face to wake me up in the morning was bloody.

My sweet baby! What could I do?!

I called for the kids to bring me a towel and when it arrived I picked you up gingerly. I believe you knew I was there.

We hoped you just needed a drink of water.
In retrospect that doesn’t make a lot of sense. Nothing does though, when my boy isn’t responding.

You looked so helpless and I had no idea how to help you so I just held you on my lap and stroked your fur. You seemed to cough but I felt no attempt on your part to draw air in at all. I felt the air leaving me too as I could see your lips turn purple.

I wasn’t ready to let you go yet.

Today’s the day you died, baby.

You went to the vet and they were so nice. I’m told that on the way over you tried to struggle out of the box that I’d set you in. That’s so like you, silly boy. I paid them to cremate you and tonight you’re gone. The children are all talk about what they’ll name the next kitten.

Tony, you did good, buddy. You showed the kids how wonderful a cat can be, it was you who taught them that a human should not exist without a cat.

I never realized it at the time, but by always insisting on being on our laps you were doing all of cats for years to come a big favor–you pushed your way into so many family memories just by being so determined to be the center of attention. So many pictures over the space of your five year life are here forever. Thanks for being you. I was super lucky!

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